He’s absolutely mango-nificent, but this tropical treat has flirted with scandal to become one of the most controversial Bigs around. The Big Mango, who lives beside the Visitor Information Centre, stands a regal 10 metres tall and was erected in 2002 as a tribute to Bowen’s ebullient agricultural industry.
He cost $90,000, weighs in at seven tonnes, and is modelled after the delicious Kensington Pride variety of mangoes. Yum, yum, yum – he’s just fruit-iful! So how did it mango so wrong?
It was a case of Bowen, goin’ gone when the Mango mysteriously disappeared one dreary day in February 2014. Horrified locals woke up with a mango-sized hole in their hearts amid reports a group of spiteful hooligans had loaded the Mango onto a truck during the night. The story hit the headlines around the world, search parties were formed, and a nation sat silently by their telephones, mouths agape, praying for good news.
Where did he man-go?
Was it Al-Quaeda, intent on toppling the West by Big-napping all our wonderful roadside attractions? Or maybe diehard fans of the Big Watermelon, whipped into a fury due to their martyr being overshadowed by a newer and hipper Big? Or perhaps the Big Pineapple, Big Banana and Big Strawberry would be next, to create an even larger Big Fruit Bowl?
But a few things didn’t add up. Firstly, pinching a house-sized fiberglass mango is a little harder than swiping a fistful of grapes from Bowen Woolworths (which isn’t difficult at all, to be honest). Secondly, the Information Centre failed to report the theft to police, instead going straight to the media. And then there were the sightings of enormous mangoes around the country, including one in the main street of Melbourne, some 2,500km away. What was mangoing on?
When the Big Mango was discovered by astonished locals in a field out the back of Bowen, covered by palm fronds, the game was up and the story began to unravel.
The nightmare unravels
“There’s an old road that leads up into the scrub from the back of the information centre,” appalled Mango devotee ‘Bob’ told ABC Radio. “What they’ve done is put it on a truck and taken it up there and laid it on its side in the bush, and they’ve covered it up with tree branches and shade cloths so nobody can see it. It’s a pretty hard thing to hide.”
As Big-thusiasts from across the globe descended upon North Queensland hold a vigil by the globular giant’s side, Portuguese chicken ‘restaurant’ Nando’s came forward and took responsibility for the sickening stunt. Apparently it was all to promote a new mango chutney or something, but who cares, I’ll never step foot in one of their slop shacks after this ghastly deed. Some blame also rests on the local council because it takes two to mango.
“The disappearance of Bowen’s Big Mango has generated quite a lot of attention over the last day or so and we confess… Nando’s was behind moving the three-storey high, ten tonne tourist attraction,” a deranged media release, obviously penned by a lunatic, said. “Nando’s would like to thank the people of Bowen for being good sports about us ‘borrowing’ their beautiful mango.” I’ve read more charming ransom letters.
Such exploitation of a beautiful Big is completely unacceptable, and for the past seven years I’ve campaigned for all involved with Nando’s – from the owner of the company to the bloke who takes out the garbage – to be jailed for crimes against huge-anity.
Things are Bowen to get better
But, thankfully, some good has come from this nightmare. A slightly smaller, six-metre-tall replica of the Mango was shipped around Australia for publicity purposes, before being donated to the good people of Bowen. Small compensation for the trauma they suffered, yes, but it makes a great memorial to these tragic events.
As I was admiring the marvellous mango, I encountered a handsome young gentleman named António who initially enthralled me with his good looks and jocular personality. I was, however, disgusted when he started taking some racy photos with Bowen’s Finest. My patience reached its limit when I discovered he was Portuguese, and almost certainly planning a second coup against this Australian icon.
I trotted straight down to the nearest pub and alerted a few local tough guys as to what was going on, and they wasted no time delivering a severe beating to the perverted playboy. I don’t regret what I did for one minute.
Today the Big Mango sits peacefully in the sun, reflecting on his wild ride and enjoying his infamy. Hopefully they have a full-time security guard watching him, because another kidnapping could make a mango crazy!
