Category: Big Clothing

  • The Steel Stilettos, Kincumber, NSW

    The Steel Stilettos, Kincumber, New South Wales

    Kick up your heels at Kincumber’s Green View Gallery & Cafe, where you can admire world-class artworks, enjoy a plate of scrummy waffles, and take in the majesty of the Steel Stilettos.

    Impossible to miss by the side of Avoca Drive and easy to step up to for a fun photo, they add a little camp and class to the Central Coast.

    Local artist Gregory Roy Cope made these fashionable clogs for the 2008 edition of the Swell Sculpture Festival. Seems like they were a shoe-in to win!

    After the well-heeled members of the art set had finished clucking their tongues, the Steel Stilettos trotted off to Pokolbin’s Mistle-toe Winery to be put on permanent display.

    And that’s when the unthinkable happened. Like a pair of last-season’s pumps tossed out in the rain, these magnificent Bigs were left to rot away. Honestly, anyone who allows that to happen to a giant pair of shoes has some sole searching to do.

    Then, in 2019, the Steel Stilettos were transferred to their forever home in Kincumber, and Gregory – that courageous cobbler of Big Things – brought them back to life with a new lick of paint.

    It must’ve been quite a feet – teehee!

    More Than a Heeling

    When I finally gathered the courage to tell Bigella I had a pair of stilettos to show her, she let out a knowing sigh.

    “I’ve been waiting for this day to come,” she shrugged.
    “No, no,” I chuckled. “I mean the Steel Stilettos in Kincumber. Let’s go take a photo with them!”
    “Oh Bigs,” she tittered, “you really are heel-arious!”

    I had a spring in my step as I climbed out of the Bigsmobile and raced over to the shiny shoes. I’m more of a thongs guy, but I was awestruck by the craftmanship and attention to detail.

    “Hopefully they’re chained down,” I told Bigella with a wry smile. “I’d hate for someone to try to steal-etto them!”

    Little Peter Poppins, however, wasn’t in the mood for fun and games. Big Things are serious business for this pint-sized guru of roadside attractions.

    “As chic as they are kitsch, the Steel Stilettos exhibit a roguish tenacity that not only commands respect,” Peter pompously proposed, “it holds a mirror up to our very id.”

    “Thats quite poignant, Peter, but I’m hungry,” I moaned. “Lets get a bite to eat from the cafe.”
    “Sounds good,” Bigella agreed. “I’ve heard the New Orleans style gumbo is to die for.”

    “Considering where we are,” I sniggered, before gesturing charismatically at the giant shoes, “shouldn’t that be the New Orleans style gumboots?”

    You (Not-So-Little) Booty!

    Take a walk on the wild side by visiting the scenic Central Coast’s many other Bigs. There’s Frilly and Lizzo and Daryl Somersby. The Clam and The Flower and The Big Poppies. Alan Davidson’s Balls and Life’s Odyssey. And last but not least, there’s Ploddy!

    If your foot fetish remains unsatiated, it’s time to visit The Big Ugg Boots, The Big Shoe, The Big Doc Martens or The Big Roller Skate. Or maybe blow the budget and fly over to Guatemala just to stare in slack-jawed wonder at La Bota Gigante.

    It must be hard to shoes which one to see next!

  • The World’s Largest Fire Helmet, Barstow, California

    The World's Largest Fire Helmet, Barstow, California

    Got a burning desire to see all the oversized roadside attractions between Los Angeles to Las Vegas? Then turn off Interstate 15 into the charming hamlet of Barstow, California, where you’ll find The World’s Largest Fire Helmet. Located out front of the local fire station, it’s the town’s main claim to flame.

    The huge hat serves as a tribute to the 343 brave firemen who lost their lives in the September 11 terrorist attacks. But this Big Thing wasn’t always a memorial.

    The Fire Helmet first arrived in Barstow way back in the swingin’ sixties, and stood atop a gas station hotdog stand. Come for the huge helmet, stay for the foot-long wiener with caramelised onions!

    Originally bright red, it was one of dozens of oversized hard hats installed at Texaco gas stations. Bizarrely, they sported a firefighting theme at the time, and even handed out replica fire chief helmets to kiddies.

    Just what you want – a bunch of lunatics racing around dressed as firefighters while you’re filling up your Chevrolet Impala!

    After firing up sales for several decades, the statue was placed into storage in the ’80s. As far as anyone rem-embers, it’s the only Texaco helmet still around. So, by default, it’s now the biggest fire hat on the planet.

    Not surprisingly, a few of the locals are getting a big head about that!

    Hell-met’s Kitchen

    In 1994, local fireman Nick DiNapoli opened DiNapoli’s Firehouse Italian Eatery, which became as famous for its collection of firefighting memorabilia as its clam linguini. Needless to say, the restaurant set the culinary world alight.

    Wanting to draw in more diners, Nick bought the Big Helmet and plonked it out the front. The Firehouse was soon the best heatery in town, and welcomed many extinguished guests!

    Whilst diners enjoyed the flamin’ good cuisine (which, sadly, doesn’t include blazed donuts or pyro-pyro chicken – making it difficult for me to force those puns in here), it was The World’s Largest Fire Helmet that truly ignited passions. It wasn’t unusual for lines of hungry diners to be found oohing and ahhing in unison with their rumbling tummies.

    After the September 11 attacks, Nick renovated the helmet to look like the NYFD version, and donated it to the Barstow Fire Protection District. For the past two decades it’s hosted the town’s 9/11 ceremonies, and continues to draw in visitors like moths to a flame.

    Barstow’s single women, meanwhile, are still looking for the fireman big enough to wear the helmet. As they say – the larger the helmet, the longer the hose!

    If you can’t stand the heat… get out and see more Big Things!

    For any budding firebugs continuing on to Las Vegas, make sure you splash out on a trip to The Big Fire Hydrant. Closer to Barstow, there’s The World’s Largest Thermometer in Baker and a giant ice cream sundae at EddieWorld in Yermo.

    Sounds like the perfect way to cool off after a huge day tracking down roadside attractions!

  • La Bota Gigante, Pastores, Guatemala

    La Bota Gigante, pastores, Antigua, Guatemala

    This boot ain’t made for walkin’
    He’s just a work of art
    But one of these days this boot is gunna
    Walk into your heart

    Next time you need of a pair of handcrafted purple-and-green cowboy boots whilst travelling through Guatemala, pop into the charming industrial village of Pastores. Whilst there, you can’t possibly miss La Bota Gigante, an enormous boot that stands proudly at the entrance to the town.

    Built to attract customers to the town’s many shoe shops, La Bota Gigante has been a massive sock-cess and is a shoe-in as the greatest attraction in Central America. With a heartwarming, guileless aesthetic that perfectly represents the hardworking ethos of Pastorians, this large loafer really is the heart and sole of the town.

    Although its location on a busy intersection can clog up traffic, one can’t help falling head over heels in love with this fifteen-foot-tall footwear!

    Known as La Ciudad de las Botas – The City of Boots – Pastores is just a 10 minute drive from the tourist hotspot of Antigua. It makes for a pleasant escape from the hordes of waddling American tourists and festering, mannerless French backpackers who have overrun the cobblered streets of the historic citadel.

    I have a sneakering suspicion you’ll love it!

    You’re boot-iful, it’s true!

    La Bota Gigante isn’t the only giant boot around – there’s The Big Doc Martens, Hat ‘n’ Boots, The Big Shoe and The Big Ugg Boots – but it’s the only one that’s home to a policeman! Yes, as Bigella and moi were posing for these wholesome happy snaps, we were delighted to see a robust law enforcer emerge from the small room beneath the boot, rubbing sleep from his eyes after a well-earned nap. If you see Constable Guillermo when you stop by, say hola to him for me!

    As it turns out, I could have used his assistance, as my journey to Pastores almost ended in my untimely demise. Gather round, kiddies, for Bigs has a tale of woe in intrigue to tell!

    After poring over the shoe shops for several hours, Bigella finally settled upon a set of garish Guatemalan galoshes that really popped against her outfit. I, however, opted for a pair of bespoke pink rhinestone pumps with vetted tassels, which I felt were a fitting tribute to my luminescent personality – and certain to get tongues wagging!

    Eager to break in my boots and show them off to all and sundry, I laced them up for a strut through some of Antigua’s more impoverished suburbs.

    Hoping to raise the spirits of the poor and vulnerable with my vibrant fashion choices, I was instead treated to an afternoon of terror when a couple of local tough guys, bubbling with unrestrained machismo, bombarded me with wolf whistles and lewd intimations.

    Geez, if I knew that was all it took to get a bad boy’s attention, I would’ve bought the boots years ago – teehee!