Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my northern angelClose to Newcastle in England’s east, babyShorty, you’re my angel, you’re my northern angelGirl, you’re a friend to all Geordies, lady A hedonistic folly of steel and ambition, The Angel of the North serves as a tribute to the unique soul of those oop norf. Mired in controversy, and loved and loathed in equal measure – much like … Continue reading The Angel of the North, Gateshead
The prophet, Bigs Bardot said: “And lo, the beast looked upon the streets of Keswick. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day, it was as one dead.” – Old Land of the Bigs Proverb A big, black, hairy guy has moved into the picturesque village of Keswick – and the locals just love him! Kong, a four-metre-tall gorilla with a cheeky … Continue reading Kong, Keswick, England
Cute, camp and draped in the rainbow hues of the pride flag, Lenny the LGBee should be the queen of Manchester’s buzzing gay community. Sadly, when I arrived for our playdate, this not-so-creepy crawly was locked within a cage of his own sexual and genderial repression. Honestly, it would be honey if it wasn’t so tragic. Lenny can be found in a quiet corner of … Continue reading Lenny the LGBee, Manchester, England
Wander into the roughest pub in St Helens, amigo, and tell the toughest hombre you find that he has a big, fat head. Go on, padre, do it! You’ll be delighted to discover that, rather than break a pint of Old Speckled Hen over your cabeza, he’ll thank you for your kindness, take you by the hand, and lead you on a whimsical journey through … Continue reading Dream, St Helens, England
Looking for something to light up your life? The head oop norf, because there’s never a dull moment when you visit The Manchester Lamps! The quintet of elaborately-designed nightlights were installed within the cosy confines of Piccadilly Place in 2021. But please be warned that they may turn you on! Lanternationally-renowned art collaborative Acrylicize really caught lighting in a bottle when they created this bulbous … Continue reading The Manchester Lamps, Manchester, England
Are you ready to shlurple the purple? Wait, wait, come on now, don’t call the police! I’m not being uncouth, I’m merely repeating the long-time tagline attached to an utterly bonkers northern English fizzy drink named Vimto. Crafted from grapes, raspberries and blackcurrants and mixed with a zesty blend of herbs and spices, Vimto tastes like heaven on earth, with a subtle hint of cough … Continue reading A Monument to Vimto, Manchester, England
Greetings from Blackpool, where holidaymakers come for the cabaret shows and omnipresent threat of street crime, and stay for the world’s largest kinetic sculptures. Known as Dune Grass, this quartet of superb seedpods are prominently positioned on the princely promenade. They measure an astonishing 35 metres from ravishing roots to gorgeous glass-fiber heads. They say a picture plants a thousand words and, as you can … Continue reading Dune Grass, Blackpool, England
“The High Horses” We will fly, to Leeds, oh my!Where the cold wind blowsThere is no sun, but it’s still funThere’s a stallion there, don’t you know?Equus Altus, by Andy Scott, is situatedDeep in Trinity Leeds‘ beating heartHe’s the most handsome hunk in the herdCaught above some shopping cartsCan’t you hear him?Oh, he neighs so loudCasts his wild note over the gobsmacked crowd That’s the … Continue reading Equus Altus, Leeds, England
Bubbling brooks blooming with brown trout. Mountain pathways, heavy with primrose, enticing the curious towards vantage points high above mist-filled valleys. Ancient villages, swarming with plump-cheeked villagers, beckoning wandering souls with a swarthy assortment of relishes, chutneys, and hand-knitted goods at reasonable prices. The Lake District of Northwest England is one of the most spectacular settings on Earth, and provides the perfect backdrop for a … Continue reading Entrust, Keswick, England
He was an old man who fished alone by the coast of Newcastle upon Tyne and he had gone five years now – ever since his arrival on September 24, 2017 – without taking a fish. For a few days in late-2022 an Australian boy named Bigs Bardot had been with him. But after some time without a fish the local chavs had told Bigs … Continue reading Fiddler’s Green, North Shields, England
They smell funny, strut around with their chests puffed out looking for fights, and love to eat rubbish they find on the ground. But enough about the good people of Blackpool, we’re here to talk about pigeons. Of course I’m kidding; Blackpudlians are warm-hearted, perspicacious people (and I don’t want to get glassed next time I’m in town for a drag show!). Standing 3.5 metres … Continue reading Big Bird, Blackpool, England
I would like to address claims that I, the inimitable Bigs Bardot, was seen scurrying from the bowels of one of London’s most notorious adult shops, beanie pulled down to conceal my identity. The shameful accusations – printed in many of the UK’s most contemptible tabloids – could not be further from reality. The truth is that I was forced to pompously prance through the … Continue reading The Cyberdogs, Camden Town, England
