Category: Latin America

  • Fuente del Ceviche, Cancún, México

    Fuente del Ceviche, Cancún, Quintana Roo, México

    Somebody once told me the world is gonna love me
    I run the best Big Things site you’ve read
    One day I was having fun eating tacos in the sun
    When I saw a Big Starfish up ahead

    Well, the tears start coming and they don’t stop coming
    Dodging the traffic, I hit the ground running
    Didn’t make sense not to run, run, run
    Towards Fuente del Ceviche, yum, yum, yum!

    The Fountain of Fish is a sight to see
    These photos I’m taking are so sweet!
    You’ll never see him if you don’t go (GO!)
    To Cancún, down in México

    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, get your game on, go today
    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, he really makes the grade
    And all that glitters is gold
    The Big Starfish’s story will be told!

    Del Ceviche is a cool Big, so no cold shoulder
    Built in the early-90s, but looks a bit older
    Like a graffitied Claudia Schiffer
    Put on a sombrero, take a picture

    The Star’s paint job is getting pretty thin
    There are homeless there who’ll attack you on a whim
    His future looks dire. How about yours?
    With Claw and Ven nearby you will never get bored

    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, it is free and not paid
    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, oh is that Randy Quaid?
    And all that glitters is gold
    The Big Starfish will never get old!

    Go to Cancún!
    There’s plenty of room
    In May or June
    If you don’t, you’re a goon

    Oye, esa es una gran estrella, comienza tu juego, ve a jugar
    Oye, esa es una gran estrella, comienza el programa y cobra
    Y todo lo que brilla se paga con oro
    Sólo estrellas fugaces…

    A passing cholo asked could I spare some change for gas
    I need to get myself away from this Big
    I said sí, sounds bueno to me
    Let’s get an enchilada with cheese
    Explore the Yucatan for a few days

    Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming
    We visit many Big Things that are stunning
    Nachi, Caracol our lives were fun
    Too many nachos, Pedro acts dumb

    So much to do, and Bigs to see
    Road trippin’ life with Pedro is sweet
    After 20 years the two of us go
    Back to Fuente del Ceviche – woah!

    Hey, now, he’s still a Big Star, he’ll never go away
    Hey, now, he’s still Big Star, even if his paint fades
    This parody of All Star‘s getting old
    Surprised you made it this far, truth be told

    And all that glitters is gold
    I think this quesadilla is growing mold

  • Chango Con Banjo, Ciudad de México

    Chango con Banjo, Ciudad de México, México

    Hey, hey, he’s a monkey!
    And people say he monkeys around
    But he’s too busy singing
    In the middle of México Town!

    With his outlandish dance moves and carnal passion for raucous bluegrass music, Chango Con Banjo is chimply irresistible! Famous for boogying up a storm on the renowned Avenida Juárez, this funky monkey has been a real ba-boon to the tourism industry since arriving in 2017.

    Beloved Méxican artiste José Sacal constructed Chango from bronze, with the aim of bringing a little levity to a chaotic corner of México City. With his preposterous proportions and oversized guitar (which appears to be a Gibbon Les Paul), this Big really is capuchin-credible!

    At three metres tall, Chango dominates the streetscape and attracts of steady stream of curious, yet delighted, admirers. His madcap antics are certainly more palatable than the area’s other street performers, who consist of tone-deaf accordion players and street urchins dressed as Spider-Man.

    Chango’s behaviour may be colourful, yet his complexion is anything but. He rocks an understated copper hue, which belies his extravagant personality. Call me crazy, but I think the locals should paint him orange-utan!

    So popular is this hirsute heartthrob that he even dictates México City’s fashion trends. It’s not uncommon to see Chilangos of all ages strolling through the streets with gaudy monkeys perched atop their happy heads.

    Bigella and I, forever the fashionistas, weren’t going to miss out, and blissfully explored the city with colourful critters cuddling our craniums.

    It’s the perfect attire for a day of monkeying about in México!

    Hey, Mr. Tamarin Man, play a song for me!

    Whilst Chango’s bombastic message of love and acceptance comes through loud and clear, this guitar-wielding gorilla does not actually make a sound. I guess José ran out of time to wedge a bluetooth speaker within his bronzed banjo.

    However, one simply needs to close their eyes, block out the noise of the passing traffic, and imagine the ebullient concoction of tunes he would play. (Please be mindful that doing so will leave you open to pickpocketing – a small price to pay for such a wholesome experience)

    Monkey Wrench by the Foo Fighters. Dance Monkey by Tones and I. His cadence is a sumptuous gumbo of virtual pop-punk pranksters Gorillaz, death metal bad boys Part Chimp and rowdy, guitarless garage rock foursome The Apes. Although largely bereft of vocals, when present, they are eerily reminiscent of Bono-bo from U2.

    He then launches into a medley of songs by the rock visionary Warren Zevon – namely Porcelain Monkey, Leave My Monkey Alone, Monkey Wash, Donkey Rinse, Gorilla, You’re a Desperado and the snappily-titled Monkey (which did not, surprisingly, appear on his 1992 live album, The Monkey and the Plywood Violin).

    What can I say? Monkeys made Warren an Excitable Boy!

    Chango’s performance is mesmerising, but would be even better if he was joined by a band primate on a marmo-set of drums!

    By the way, what do you call a 1000kg brass monkey with bananas in his ears? Anything you like, he can’t hear you!

  • El Trio de Jaguares Alebrije, Oaxaca

    El Trio de Jaguares Alebrije, Oaxaca de Juárex, México

    Sizzling, popping, beckoning. Cecina grilling over hot coals awakens something primitive and passionate within even the hardest heart. The smoky aroma, simultaneously sweet and sultry, fills the manic market and tantalises with promises of clandestine desires realised.

    A swarthy man, his moustache dripping with perspiration, roughly tosses the fragrant meat upon a plastic plate and then delicately drowns it in mole, the legendary, intoxicating local sauce. Head spinning, one finds a seat between a pair of satin-wrapped abuelas, takes a first uncertain bite of the cuisine, and allows the complex flavours to become all-encompassing.

    Laughing, shouting, singing, slurping. The cacophony of sounds sprinkles like spice across the dusty floor. Mescal is suppered. Friendships are forged. Mole is allowed to cascade down chin. One rises, reborn by the gastronomical and sonic feast, before plunging headlong into the street to gape in wonder at the rich tapestry of Méxican life.

    This is Oaxaca de Juárez, the land of Seven Moles, and a melting pot of creativity and passion.

    Boasting ocre-hued artworks, this whimsical township is the broiling crucible of Latin culture. History rests upon on every cobblestone corner. Street performers dance amongst the traffic. Mask-clad luchadors fly through the night sky. A seemingly-endless procession of weddings – complete with garishly-painted mojiganga puppets – march down the city’s twisting alleyways.

    Resting at the foothills of the Sierra Madre mountain range and embellished with a heady mixture of ancient Zapotecan ruins and sublime colonial architecture, Oaxaca has long been the ultimate destination for dreamers, drinkers, and digital nomads alike.

    And now you can add Biggies to that list! For Oaxaca is home to a trio of intricately-carved animal heads, El Trio de Jaguares Alebrije, more alluring than the rest of the sights and sounds combined.

    And they can all be found atop the legendary – nay, mythical – gift shop known simply as Huizache.

    Alebrijie, alakazam!

    Turning a corner in Oaxaca’s raucous downtown precinct, one is overcome as El Trio de Jaguares Alebrije burst into view in all their festively-decorated glory. Astonishing. Altruistic. Mesmerising. They are, of course, oversized representations of alebrijies, México’s beloved multi-coloured statues of mythical beasts, examples of which are found in abundance within Huizache’s confines.

    The three heads, fastidiously carved over a period of many months, symbolise the natural wonders of Oaxaca. The first Jaguare has been painted a blazing gold like the fiery sun. The second, the shimmering emerald of the cascading rainforests. The third, a deep azure like the cloudless skies.

    The bosom of the store proves to be no less enchanting. In a world of disposable nik-naks, Huizache offers something to cherish. The selection is overwhelming, the quality sublime. As the warm desert breeze marinates the store in the melancholy aroma of acacias, one struggles to reach a decision on which statue to take home. A crab, perhaps? Or maybe a shark?

    Whatever you choose, the store with the big cat heads out the front is the perfect place to jag a bargain – teehee!

    A stranger, satin of hair and porcelain of skin, brushes skin lithely against skin whilst reaching for the same painted iguana, and one briefly contemplates entering terrain hitherto unexplored. One turns, palms clammy, to be met by the beguiling smirk of knockabout Aussie larrikin – and longtime Land of the Bigs devotee – Vince Sorrenti.

    Dapper as ever in his tailored suit, Vince insists on posing for a photo with El Trio de Jaguares Alebrije, before launching into a soliloquy of outrageous puns.

    “I just bought some food from a Méxican restaurant, but didn’t have time to eat it there,” Vince enthuses, his impeccable timing drawing in a handful of curious locals. “So I ordered it taco!”

    One gazes from Vince, to el Jaguares, back to Vince, and the world seems just a little brighter.

  • Iguana, Isla Mujeres, México

    Iguana statue, Isla Mujeres, Quintana Roo, Mexico

    A tropical island full of women sounds like Hell on Earth to a man of my tastes, so it would take something special to lure me towards México’s Isla Mujeres. That something special arrived in the shape of an enormous iguana – named, creatively, Iguana – and so off I popped to the sultry Island of Women.

    Isla Mujeres rests a few kilometres off the golden shores of Cancún, where sunburnt American tourists spend their days crowding around Clawdia the Crab and their evenings stuffing overpriced tacos into their faces. Ultramar run regular ferries to the island from Puerto Juarez, and if you’re lucky you might be entertained by a chubby Mexicán Elvis impersonator during the half-hour trip.

    Juan Méndez say
    Only fajitas rush in
    But I can’t help eating nachos with you!

    El Vis Pérez, Cancún’s third-chubbiest Elvis impersonator

    The ferry, shockingly, doesn’t head straight to the Iguana, instead docking in a far less interesting part of the island. I couldn’t find a limousine, so had to jump on an overcrowded party bus like a filthy commoner.

    There I was, surrounded by a gang of liquored-up British hooligans (who showed little interest in the cultural importance of oversized roadside attractions), with a voluptuous Latina perched upon my lap, her melon-heavy breasts suffocating me as she attempted to pour tequila down my unwilling gullet. Lo siento, Maria, but those aren’t the sort of Big Things I’m aroused by!

    By the time I plunged sweatily from the bus at Punta Sur, my curvy admirer declaring her undying love for me, I was both physically and emotionally drained. I honestly didn’t know if I had the willpower to show the Iguana the reverence she deserved. I shouldn’t have worried, because what I found on that island filled me with a newfound respect for Mexíco and her people.

    Hang around for a rep-while and I’ll tell you all about it!

    I wish I was in Tijuana, kissing a giant iguana!

    Iguanas have long been the symbol of the Yucatan Peninsula and, fortunately, the legions of drug-obsessed tourists haven’t managed to snort or smoke them all yet. The sociable sauropods slither over every scrap of Isla Mujeres, seemingly making a pilgrimage, like me, to the statue of their leader.

    The Big Iguana sashayed into this sun-kissed spot in 2001, taking pride of place at the entrance to the island’s popular Sculpture Garden. ‘Iggy’ has changed colours and patterns many times over the years, so maybe she’s part chameleon!

    She was all I could skink about as I followed a cluster of cold-blooded critters along the carbuncled coastline. And then there she was, standing proudly over the her kingdom, with the baying brine churning behind her. Queen Iguana, the Monarch of Mujeres.

    Iggy’s spines are at once menacing and motherly. Her scales are shockingly lifelike, her eyes deep and regal, as though she knows more than the rest of us ever shall. This is a Big built not simply to attract tourists, but to pay homage to the rich local culture. Falling to my knees to nuzzle her noble nails, I came to realise that women aren’t so bad after all.

    But I didn’t let Maria know that!

    By the time the tangerine sun dropped into the turquoise sea, my fear of the fairer sex had quelled enough for me to pose not only with Iguana, but with a nearby statue of the shapely Mayan goddess Ixchel. One afternoon with this sublime squamate had done more to cure my fear of gynophobia than years of electroshock therapy ever did.

    I love you, Iguana!

    Iguana see more!

    Has this scaly scamp left you hungry for more? Then scurry along to exotic Taree to see Joanna the Goanna, or spend a frilling afternoon with Frilly the Lizard in beautiful Somersby. There’s also Dirrawuhn, The Big Thorny Devil and The Big Water Dragon. For something closer to Méxicó, stroll over to Costa Rica for an unforgettable encounter with La Iguana. Yes, there’s more than iguana of them!

    Honestly, if I had a peso for every Big Lizard I’ve visited, I’d be a chemeleonaire!