Girl, you’re my angel, you’re my northern angelClose to Newcastle in England’s east, babyShorty, you’re my angel, you’re my northern angelGirl, you’re a friend to all Geordies, lady A hedonistic folly of steel and ambition, The Angel of the North serves as a tribute to the unique soul of those oop norf. Mired in controversy, and loved and loathed in equal measure – much like … Continue reading The Angel of the North, Gateshead
Holy mackerel, look at the size of that fish! Installed upon the steps of Donegall Quay one warm afternoon in 1999, The Big Fish, with her supple lips and bedroom eyes, has been many a Belfastian lad’s first kiss. It’s not uncommon to see a line of teens – and the odd curious tourist – waiting patiently for a memorable encounter with The Fish. You … Continue reading The Big Fish, Belfast, Northern Ireland
The Wishing Hand – a thumb-in-a-million art piece by offbeat artisan Linda Brunker – welcomes the curious to Dublin’s Ministry of Education. Thus, it not only provides Ireland’s youngsters with a heavy-handed message about the potential of the human spirit, it also teaches them about the importance of oversized roadside architecture. A bronzed meditation on life and love, The Wishing Hand also gives a middle-finger … Continue reading The Wishing Hand, Dublin, Ireland
The prophet, Bigs Bardot said: “And lo, the beast looked upon the streets of Keswick. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day, it was as one dead.” – Old Land of the Bigs Proverb A big, black, hairy guy has moved into the picturesque village of Keswick – and the locals just love him! Kong, a four-metre-tall gorilla with a cheeky … Continue reading Kong, Keswick, England
Cute, camp and draped in the rainbow hues of the pride flag, Lenny the LGBee should be the queen of Manchester’s buzzing gay community. Sadly, when I arrived for our playdate, this not-so-creepy crawly was locked within a cage of his own sexual and genderial repression. Honestly, it would be honey if it wasn’t so tragic. Lenny can be found in a quiet corner of … Continue reading Lenny the LGBee, Manchester, England
Wander into the roughest pub in St Helens, amigo, and tell the toughest hombre you find that he has a big, fat head. Go on, padre, do it! You’ll be delighted to discover that, rather than break a pint of Old Speckled Hen over your cabeza, he’ll thank you for your kindness, take you by the hand, and lead you on a whimsical journey through … Continue reading Dream, St Helens, England
Once there was a super cute fellow with a slight bad boy edge whose name was Bigs Bardot. This story is about something that happened to him when he was sent away from Australia – and its wonderful collection of Big Things! – due to his family refusing to accept that he’d rather take selfies with The Big Bandicoot than slave away at an office … Continue reading Aslan the Lion, Belfast, Northern Ireland
Looking for something to light up your life? The head oop norf, because there’s never a dull moment when you visit The Manchester Lamps! The quintet of elaborately-designed nightlights were installed within the cosy confines of Piccadilly Place in 2021. But please be warned that they may turn you on! Lanternationally-renowned art collaborative Acrylicize really caught lighting in a bottle when they created this bulbous … Continue reading The Manchester Lamps, Manchester, England
Are you ready to shlurple the purple? Wait, wait, come on now, don’t call the police! I’m not being uncouth, I’m merely repeating the long-time tagline attached to an utterly bonkers northern English fizzy drink named Vimto. Crafted from grapes, raspberries and blackcurrants and mixed with a zesty blend of herbs and spices, Vimto tastes like heaven on earth, with a subtle hint of cough … Continue reading A Monument to Vimto, Manchester, England
Greetings from Blackpool, where holidaymakers come for the cabaret shows and omnipresent threat of street crime, and stay for the world’s largest kinetic sculptures. Known as Dune Grass, this quartet of superb seedpods are prominently positioned on the princely promenade. They measure an astonishing 35 metres from ravishing roots to gorgeous glass-fiber heads. They say a picture plants a thousand words and, as you can … Continue reading Dune Grass, Blackpool, England
The inimitable Bigs Bardot was beginning to get very tired of hanging around the quaint Welsh seaside village of Llandudno, and of having nothing to do. Once or twice he had clambered to the peak of The Great Orme, and he had availed himself of the reasonably-priced goods at the local Aldi, but neither activity truly set his heart aflutter. “What is the use of … Continue reading Alice in Wonderland, Llandudno, Wales
“Whiskey in the Jar” As I was a goin’ to see the Luke Kelly Statue in DublinI bumped into Colin Farrell sittin’, drinkin’ in a fount’inI first produced me autograph book, careful not to have seizureSaying “I loved you in Phone Booth, Col, the way you held that receiver!” Mush-a ring dumb-a do dumb-a daWhack fall the daddy-o, whack fall the daddy-oLuke’s the Dubliners’ star! … Continue reading Luke Kelly, Dublin, Ireland
Drenched in the blood of his foes and with his name echoing throughout the verdant pastures of Ireland, the mythical warrior Finn McCool set his sights on yet another adventure – a one-week getaway to a sensibly-priced singles resort in Benidorm, complete with half-board and the drinks package. Spirits, of course, were extra, but Finn felt confident that he could smuggle a bottle of Jameson … Continue reading Finn McCool, Belfast, Northern Ireland
“The High Horses” We will fly, to Leeds, oh my!Where the cold wind blowsThere is no sun, but it’s still funThere’s a stallion there, don’t you know?Equus Altus, by Andy Scott, is situatedDeep in Trinity Leeds‘ beating heartHe’s the most handsome hunk in the herdCaught above some shopping cartsCan’t you hear him?Oh, he neighs so loudCasts his wild note over the gobsmacked crowd That’s the … Continue reading Equus Altus, Leeds, England
Bubbling brooks blooming with brown trout. Mountain pathways, heavy with primrose, enticing the curious towards vantage points high above mist-filled valleys. Ancient villages, swarming with plump-cheeked villagers, beckoning wandering souls with a swarthy assortment of relishes, chutneys, and hand-knitted goods at reasonable prices. The Lake District of Northwest England is one of the most spectacular settings on Earth, and provides the perfect backdrop for a … Continue reading Entrust, Keswick, England
He was an old man who fished alone by the coast of Newcastle upon Tyne and he had gone five years now – ever since his arrival on September 24, 2017 – without taking a fish. For a few days in late-2022 an Australian boy named Bigs Bardot had been with him. But after some time without a fish the local chavs had told Bigs … Continue reading Fiddler’s Green, North Shields, England
They smell funny, strut around with their chests puffed out looking for fights, and love to eat rubbish they find on the ground. But enough about the good people of Blackpool, we’re here to talk about pigeons. Of course I’m kidding; Blackpudlians are warm-hearted, perspicacious people (and I don’t want to get glassed next time I’m in town for a drag show!). Standing 3.5 metres … Continue reading Big Bird, Blackpool, England
I would like to address claims that I, the inimitable Bigs Bardot, was seen scurrying from the bowels of one of London’s most notorious adult shops, beanie pulled down to conceal my identity. The shameful accusations – printed in many of the UK’s most contemptible tabloids – could not be further from reality. The truth is that I was forced to pompously prance through the … Continue reading The Cyberdogs, Camden Town, England
