Category: Utah

  • The Red Iguana, Salt Lake City, Utah

    Xochitónal the Red Iguana, Salt Lake City, Utah, United States of America

    At Red Iguana 2, a festively-painted cantina on Salt Lake City’s eclectic Temple Street, diners come for Xochitónal, the 33ft-long lizard in the carpark. But they stay for the authentic Mexican cuisine, competitively-priced drinks, attentive service and irresistible party atmosphere.

    Red Iguana‘s signature mole coloradito – a luscious blend of chocolate, pine nuts and guajillo chiles, blended with fresh poblano and served with carnitas – is enough to warm the heart of even the coldest-blooded critter.

    In a city where a slice of lukewarm pizza is considered gourmet fare (and I can say that because I grew up in Wyoming. And not the fancy-pants American Wyoming, either. The Australian Wyoming, where dinner-and-a-show consists of picking up a few cheeseburgers at Maccas and then splatting the pickles on parked cars), it’s no surprise the locals are willing to line up around the block for a piping-hot plate of cochinita pibil, lovingly garnished with pickled red onion.

    But enough about Red Iguana’s exquisite array of quesadillas and fajitas. We’re here to talk about the big guy out the front. After all, this iguana is hard to ig-nore!

    Red Iguana co-owner Bill Coker cooked up the plan in 2014, after encountering a concrete iguana – yes, THAT concrete iguana – while on holidays in Mexico with his lovely wife Lucy Cardenas.

    “My first intention was to make it concrete; I wanted it to be indestructible,” Bill told the SLC Tribune. “I wanted children to come up to it with their mouths open, asking, ’Daddy, is that alive?’”

    Whilst Bill knows his way around a taco, he lacked the world-class artistic skills such a project demanded. Then one day he happened upon an article about a remarkable young man who would be perfect for the job.

    That man was Stephen ‘Tusk’ Kesler.

    King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard

    Tusk hired out a warehouse in downtown SLC and spent the next two years working on the Red Iguana sculpture. Bill – wanting his Big Thing to be as memorable as his food – certainly didn’t skink on the construction costs!

    “I chose Stephen because he likes doing realistic animals, not cartoons,” Bill said proudly.

    Tusk first built a 1/6 scale model of the Red Iguana out of clay. He scanned that into his computer and, in a process that would bamboozle the world’s greatest minds, created a blueprint for the full-sized critter.

    He fed that into a fancy 3D printer, which spat out giant styrofoam pieces that he put together into the shape of the Iguana. Steve then slathered the whole thing in more than 600lb of clay. After that, he covered the varmint in thousands of ceramic rep-tiles.

    The Iguana was then sliced into bite-sized pieces once again. Silicone molds were made from those. Fiberglass body parts were made from the molds. The Iguana was then reassembled, and Tusk spent countless sleepless nights painting the lizard its trademark crimson hue.

    The critter was christened ‘Xochitónal’, after a gigantic iguana in Aztec mythology who guarded the Underworld.

    ”Bill and Lucy know what it takes to bring this kind of thing to life,” Tusk said at the time. “I don’t think any other restaurant owners would have had the patience or the understanding to get it done.

    “I wouldn‘t do this for anyone. I’m a huge fan of their food!”

    The 1000lb squamate was then loaded onto the back of a flatbed truck and, with the help of a police escort, driven through the streets of Salt Lake City.

    After months of anticipation, The Red Iguana was ready to be served to famished public.

    The Whole Enchilada

    After several hours admiring Xochitónal in the balmy Utah afternoon, Bigella Fernandez Hernandez and I had worked up quite an appetite. We popped into the Red Iguana and were seated at an exquisite table overlooking the Oquirrh Mountains.

    “Have you tried Mexican food before?” I asked Miss Hernandez Fernandez, who simply rolled her eyes at me.

    Peppers popped on an open flame. Margaritas glinted in the golden sunlight. A waitress waltzed over to take our order, and I assured Bigella that I would handle things.

    “¡Hola hombre!” I said smugly. “¡No busco tractores y guapos! ¡Quiero un aerodeslizador! ¡Antonio Banderas! ¡Spasibo!”

    The waitress just shook her head, obviously surprised to hear a gringo speaking perfect Spanish. As she left in a daze, I turned my attention back to Bigella.

    “I picked up a little español while living in the remote Mexican village of Cancún for six days back in 2022,” I informed her. “Let me know if you need any help with the menu.”

    Imagine my surprise when, rather than the virgin cocteles I had so expertly ordered, the waitress placed two small bottles of cerveza in front of us. In a moment of madness, I took a sip from the Modelo, and spent the rest of the afternoon fearing that I was tumbling into alcoholism.

    “Swap this out for a non-alcoholic piña colada, mami,” I wretched, as the waitress plonked plates of Mexican delicacies in front of us.

    “Watch out, Mexican food – though delicious – can be too spicy for a chalupita like you” I warned, tucking into a decadent tostada. Bigella, ever the daredevil, ladled fiery chile verde onto her chimichangas and stuffed them into her mouth. Not wanting to be upstaged, I poured an entire bottle of habanero sauce onto my superbly-prepared gringa and crammed it into my gob.

    The pain was indescribable, and for a moment my life flashed before my very eyes (criminy, did I visit a lot of big lizards – such as Joanna the Goanna, The Big Thorny Devil, Gonzo and Lizzo!). When I awoke, stripped to the waist, I was laying in the carpark, with Xochitónal gazing down on me in disgust.

    “Señor Bardot, eres el hombre más bobo que he conocido. Si no fueras el experto de atracciones de gran tamaño más famoso del mundo, te dejaría tirado en esa zanja.”

    “Wait a second!” I spluttered. “You can speak Indonesian?”

  • The World’s Largest Blender, Orem, Utah

    The World's Largest Blender, Orem, Utah, United States of America

    For time immemorial, mankind has asked the question – will it blend? And only one man is brave enough to answer that question – Tom Dickson, founder of Blendec Blenders.

    The star of outlandish YouTube show Will It Blend?, Tom broke the internet by feeding everything from iPhones to Star Wars action figures to his company’s wide range of commercial and industrial food blenders.

    And the Blendtec blenders took ’em all.

    More than anything, Tom loved blending up a rotisserie chicken with a bottle of Coke, a gastronomical delight he called a cochicken. Always one to try new cuisine, I gave it a go and found that, once the listeria poisoning wore off, it was a strangely invigorating drink. Thanks, Tom!

    In 2014, Tom and the Blendtec team decided to capitalise on the show’s popularity in a BIG way. The result was The World’s Largest Blender, a 37-foot recreation of their legendary Designer blender, serving as the entrance to their headquarters in Orem, Utah.

    Inside the three-storey-tall glass marvel is a small museum paying tribute to Tom and the outrageous history of Blendtec blenders. Pilgrims can be found five days a week poring over the artefacts, weeping with unrestrained joy.

    The opening ceremony for The World’s Largest Blender was attended by Michael Fassblender and the guy who played John Blender in The Breakfast Club, and overseen by Utah Governor Gary Herbert.

    “So,” smirked Tom as he cut the ceremonial ribbon; holding an oversized pair of scissors in one hand and his horde of his worshippers in the other, “will these scissors blend?”

    Return to Blender

    After discovering a stack of love letters from one of my old crushes, tensions between Bigella and I were at an all-time high. Sensing an opportunity to get back into her good books whilst simultaneously checking another Big off my list, I surreptitiously made a suggestion.

    “I’ll throw the letters in The World’s Largest Blender in Orem, Utah,” I shrugged, sipping on the cold coffee Bigella had served me. “I’ve seen those blenders destroy beer cans and old guitar parts, I’m sure they can handle a couple of hundred pages of lust and longing.”
    “Are you sure we’re not just going there to see a Big Thing?”
    “Of course not,” I hooted, grabbing the keys to the Bigsmobile. “Can we stop off for some selfies with The Gonzo on the way?”

    And so, 10 tear-filled hours later, I was perched atop the bewitching Blender, the erotic tales of passion and wonder fluttering in the spring breeze.

    “I’m sorry, Jesse Plemons,” I whispered as I placed his lovingly-penned dispatches into the massive blender, “but we’ll always have that weekend in Acapulco.”

    That chapter of my life closed – for now – I descended The World’s Largest Blender, and Bigella enveloped me in the sort of hug that men cross oceans for. Smiling a sad smile, I wondered whether I’d done the right thing.

    “Come on, kid,” I sighed, leading Bigella away from the Blender. “I’ll take you out to dinner to celebrate.”
    “Oh Bigs,” she gasped. “You’re so romantic.”
    “Yeah,” I shrugged, “I’ve got a bucket of cochicken in the boot of the car. You can drink it on our way to see The Big Beavers!”

  • The Great Gonzo, Moab, Utah

    The Gonzo, Moab, Utah, United States of America

    Moab, Utah, is most certain to please
    A desert oasis that’s best served with cheese
    With mountains and shrubs and Arches and quilk
    And quaint restaurants that serve bumdoozlers with milk

    I felt a great leaping of joy in my heart
    As I swaggered along, seeking oversized art

    In no time at all, my stroll turned to a hop
    I’d spotted a Big Thing outside of a shop
    And with great skilful skill that would impress a wizard
    I raced towards something that could be a lizard

    As I got nearer I heard a ga-whine!
    I looked
    I saw some him perched up on a sign
    Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, the oddest of creatures
    Describe him? That’s hard. He had such bizarre features
    He was largish, and oldish, and bluish and mossy
    And he spoke with a Utah accent that was sharpish and bossy

    “Bigs Bardot!” he said, taking swift action
    “I am The Gonzo. A roadside attraction
    I lure in travellers both ancient and young
    With my palpable sense of both filbus and fun”
    His tail did flap and his eyes they did spin
    “Won’t you please join me inside The Gonzo Inn?”

    “Look, Gonzo”, I said. “I don’t see the harm
    It’s better than sleeping out there in a barn
    Moab’s quite cold when you’re on your ownly
    A life tracking down Bigs can be rather lonely
    So please lead the way, to a room for this brat
    With a rat, a cat, and a Big Cricket Bat
    I hope it has carpets, and pillows, and sheets!
    And curtains! And comfortable, munchable seats!

    The Gonzo said, “Bigs! You are crazy with greed
    A sensibly-priced condo is all that you need!

    But the very next minute I proved Gonzo wrong
    For, just at that minute, I burst into song
    And the critter found my voice was really quite great
    Then invited me out on a lovely bro date
    I laughed at The Gonzo, and gave him a smile
    “No, all I need is the love of a handsome reptile!”

  • Big John, Helper, Utah

    Big John, Helper, Utah, United States of America

    Look at me and my big, black friend! Of course, as a progressive gentleman I’m proud to have many friends of colour, including Larry Fishburne, Halle Berry, and that dude who sings in Counting Crows.

    Wait, maybe he’s not black. But he does have a great set of dreadlocks, so I’ll count him anyway.

    Anyway, back to Big John, the 18-foot-tall coal-black miner who stands silently outside the local library in Helper, Utah. With his square jaw and robust physique, John has watched over the sleepy main street for decades, with the Uinta Mountains rising solemnly behind him.

    And, I’m pleased to say, Big John’s story is every bit as extravagant as he is.

    Back in the early-60s, the proud people of this historic village were in a state of flux, as Helper transitioned from coal mining hub to tourist mecca. With the Western Mining and Railroad Museum – widely known as ‘the Utah Disneyland’ – ready to open, a committee decided that a major miner was the best way to capitalise on the waves of holidaymakers. Sounds like a drill-a-minute experience to me!

    The Helperians approached the good folk at International Fiberglass – yes, those responsible for Harvey the Rabbit and Chicken Boy – to construct a collier of extraordinary proportions. Starting with a mould of Paul Bunyan, the team swapped out the axe for a prodigious pick and packed him off to the mines.

    With their tall, dark and handsome prospector on the way, the good people of Helper just needed to sit back, relax, and wait for the tourist dollars to start pouring in. But first they needed a name just as big and bombastic as as their hero…

    You were always on my mine

    Ev’ry mornin’ at the mine you could see him arrive
    He stood six-foot-six and weighed two-forty-five
    Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip
    And everybody knew, ya didn’t give no lip… to Big John!

    In 1964, the streets of Helper hung heavy with the dulcet tones of Jimmy Dean and his poignant hit, Big Bad John. The tale of a brawny coal miner who meets his fate at the bottom of a pit, the song resonated with the hardworking locals. And so it was only fitting that their shiny new Big would borrow the name.

    Although the Helperians did drop ‘Bad’ from the name, possibly to avoid a copyright claim from Jimmy Dean’s notoriously dogged legal team. Or maybe because there’s nothing naughty about this fellow at all. Big John is a kind, considerate and surprisingly sensitive giant, with a broad smile for all who wander the dusty streets of Helper.

    Sadly, Big John’s not allowed into the bar up the road, because they don’t serve miners – teehee!

    As he stands afore the well-stocked library, I took the opportunity to stretch out ‘neath John’s size-72 boots and polish off a few chapters of Between a Rock and a Hard Place, a romance novel set in the coal mines of 1870s Utah.

    Of course, with that cheeky grin beaming down at me, I found it impossible to concentrate and kept reading the same page over and over again!

    Johnny Be Good!

    Big John’s just as coal as a cucumber and certainly never boering. So it comes as no surprise that he’s inspired several other Bigs around the globe – and you won’t have to dig deep to find ’em!

    Standing in John’s towering shadow, one can’t help draw comparisons to another ruggedly gorgeous pitman on the opposite side of the world. Map the Miner, a 23-foot copper excavator, guards the South Australian hamlet of Kapunda. Two big, strong, working chaps who all the boys want and all the girls want to be.

    Then there’s The Big Gold Panner Man, The Big Miner’s Lamp and The Big Gold Pick and Pan, all on the edge of the Aussie desert. For something closer to Utah, there are a couple of gigantic prospectors just outside Las Vegas for those hoping to strike it rich!

    Over the years John’s helped Helper grow and flourish into a quirky, artistic outpost with some high-class restaurants if you’re into fine mining. It’s also become a town that prides itself on ethnic diversity. With a noble black man as its most famous resident, how could it be anything but?

    Big John, the Utahn miner with a face full of soot and a heart full of gold, has shown the world that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We can achieve racial harmony through oversized roadside attractions.

    Bigs, my friends, not bigotry.

  • Ready to Play, St George, Utah

    Ready to Play, St George, Utah, United States of America

    I wanna rock ‘n’ roll all night, and visit St George every day! That’s because this leafy Utah town is home to a big, bad and bombastic scrap metal guitar known as Ready to Play. Melding small-town sensibilities with snarling city swagger, the incredible instrument has really struck a chord with the locals.

    At 21 feet from titanic tuners to behemoth bridge, this Big Guitar dominates St George’s well-maintained Town Square Park. You can find it right next to the library, but don’t fret, the librarians won’t come out and shush you, which should come as music to your ears.

    Ready to Play was composed by the rock god of Big Things himself, Deveren Farley. A local legend responsible for many heavy metal artworks such as the nearby Giant Spider, Dev really turned it up to eleven with this one.

    “As an artist, I strive to take what others imagine and bring it to life for them by creating a piece that is as unique and beautiful as the idea itself,” Deveren harmonised.

    People strumming and going from the park can’t help but stare in wonder at the six-string’s kooky details. Just look at that repurposed hacksaw. Oh, oh, oh, and there’s even a regular-sized guitar in there! Sorry if I’m amped up, but it’s riff-possible not to get excited about a work of guit-art this large.

    Much like Ready to Play, I’m quite highly strung – awwww yeah!

    God gave St George Utah to you
    Gave St George Utah to you
    Put it in the soul of everyone!

    St George is the spiritual home of American rock ‘n’ roll, and thousands of audiophiles have made the pilgrimage to worship at the base of Ready to Play. It’s a fully-functional guitar with working strings, so I plucked up the courage to shred some chords.

    Channelling my heavy metal heroes like Boy George and Gary Glitter, I strummed away like my life depended on it – and, in a way, it did. Sweat poured down my brow and then, amidst the chaos, I saw a lithe, blonde figure moving towards me. A legendary guitarist with the voice of an angel had heard my siren call.

    “OMG, it’s you,” I gasped. “Utah’s very own Jewel!”
    “Yes, it’s me,” the vixen cooed, flipping her strawberry blonde hair our of her eyes. “Utah’s very own Jewel!”

    “Golly gosh, I listened to Pieces Of You on repeat whilst struggling with my identity as a youth. And even though your latter albums are widely regarded as derivative and bland, I tolerate them, too.” I paused, tears welling in my eyes. “Jewel Kilcher, I love you!”

    The waif looked at me as if I’d stepped in something unpleasant.

    “Uh, I’m Jewel Sanchez from the library,” she shrugged. “Your car’s getting towed.”

    “Oh well,” I thought as I swaggered out of town towards the impound lot. “I always considered myself more of an urban hip-hop visionary, anyway.”

    Let’s Get the Band Back Together!

    Has Ready to Play awakened a carnal yearning for music that can only be satiated by visiting other big musical instruments? You’re in luck, because the Land of the Bigs is home to rhythmic roadside attractions to suit all tastes.

    Moody, depressed admirers of grunge music can stare impassively at the mercurial Sonic Bloom in Seattle. For something with a little Latin flava, boogie across the border to Mexico City, where I’m sure you’ll find Monkey with Banjo to be Chimp-ly Irresistible!

    More of a hillbilly cowpunk fan? Then the melodic village of Kin Kin in Queensland, Australia is home to a bulky set of banjos with expertly-tuned metal strings just begging to be plucked.

    If your woman done left you and your dog done died, the country music mecca of Tamworth, Australia is home to the immense Big Golden Guitar. Continue south, into the heart of bumpkin country, to play a few licks on The Big Playable Guitar in Narrandera. Yeeee-haw!

    And if your significant other keeps complaining about all the noise – I’m looking at you, Gordon! – waltz over to Newcastle to find some huge headphones to plonk atop your handsome head. You can even attach a Bluetooth speaker, so you can blast your music just as loud as you want.

    Oh, and would you like a VIP experience with a massive rock star? Then you’ll dig Utah’s very own Big John the Big Miner.

    Hopefully that list hit all the right notes – teehee!

  • The Big Beavers, Beaver, Utah

    The Big Beavers, Beaver, Utah, United States of America

    Leave it to Beaver to create a couple of the cutest, cuddliest critters you’ve ever seen! The handsome rodents call the local Shell gas station home, and the good people of Beaver – an eccentric village nestled high in the Mineral Mountains of Southern Utah – are just as proud as punch of them.

    Nicknamed Justin and Sigourney by besotted locals, The Big Beavers sit abreast a comfy bench overlooking the snow-capped ranges. Whittled from locally-sourced lumber and sporting a cheeky, comical charm, they make for the perfect photo op.

    No wonder the town was named after them – just look at those chubby cheeks!

    Whilst neither beaver is as large as their famous counterpart in Australia, they have inspired a merchandising empire. The gas station offers a range of beaver-related nik-naks such as magnets and caps, but is best known for one particular item – their patented ‘I ♥️ Beaver’ shirts.

    The tees seem like the perfect keepsake from a memorable vacation to Beaver, but have a darker side. The slogan is actually a tasteless pun, serving as a putrid commentary on the female form.

    Honestly guys, grow up. You have two of the loveliest Bigs outside your front door to revere and exploit, but you’d rather wallow in the gutter of puerile wordplay. Those disgraceful garments better be gone next time I mosey through Beaver, or there’ll be trouble – and you’d better beav-lieve that!

    And then I saw her face. Now I’m a Big Beaver!

    Unfortunately, this particular Shell gas station has been the subject of several unsavoury reviews over the years. Local tough guys are known to seek out clueless goobers at the bowser, claim that their tyres have deteriorated, then lead them to the mechanic workshop across the way for an outrageously-priced new set.

    It’s an otter disgrace, really.

    Bigs Bardot, your fearless guide through the Land of the Bigs, is not an easy target. So when a chubby chap in a Utah Tech sloppy joe trotted over with a big smile on his face whilst I was pumping gas, I didn’t hesitate in taking him down with a perfectly-executed kimura clutch (taught to me by the late, great Kimbo Slice during one of our many visits to the License Plate Guitar in St George).

    Whilst that devastating maneuver was enough to disable the crook, Bigella took it upon herself to beat him really quite severely with her purse. Well, don’t get between a fiery Latina and a couple of oversized mammals!

    Minutes later, whilst a shocked yet enthralled crowd cheered us on, the thug rolled over, sighed in agony and held up a pen and paper with trembling hands.

    “Bigs, Bigs, I just wanted an autograph, my guy!” he spluttered through a maw of broken teeth. “I’m a huge fan of your website and admire you on a personal and professional level. I knew that if I waited here by The Big Beavers long enough, you’d eventually turn up. It took six long years, but it was worth it. You’re an inspiration!”

    Turns out he was just another infatuated fan. Oh, how we laughed at the misunderstanding!

    Unfortunately, I can’t post the photos we took with our new friend as they’re rather unsettling. But I hope you had a great day, Chester, and best of luck with the recovery. The next 18 months of intense and invasive physiotherapy will fly by!

    An Un-beaver-lievable Fact!

    Beaver is the birthplace of country ‘n’ western bad boy Butch Cassidy, and Philo Farnsworth, the chap who invented television. But nobody really cares about them because they’re completely overshadowed by The Big Beavers.