With his hen-dsome looks, im-peck-able dress sense and cocky attitude, it’s no wonder Charlie the Chicken is a real coop-erstar in Newcastle. He’s been the spokeschicken for Charlestown Toyota for decades and his admirers flock to see him.
Yes, this ravishing rooster really is something to crow about.
Charlie’s no one-chick pony, because his googly eyes also move around. Well, they’re meant to – sadly his peepers were broken when I showed up. With any cluck they’ll be fixed soon.
Charlie’s exactly the sort of feather figure I’ve been searching for, so I put on my most el-egg-ant outfit and strutted over to recite him some poultry. I was hoping he’d mistake me for his son, but he wasn’t laid yesterday.
Maybe he thought I was yolking, because Charlie refused to beak to me. Ah well, you can’t wing ’em all. He’s probably jealous that I’ve been seen with another chook. Cheer up, Charlie, maybe you can get together with Chickaletta?
I’m certainly not the only one inspired by this ravishing rooster. Ossie the Mossie, who lives in nearby Hexham, was based on Charlie’s design and is also super cute.
Tragically, Charlie met with fowl play in 2012, when some troubled youths smashed one of his eye sockets in. The off-hen-ders, sadly, were never held accountable.
I’m as progressive as they come, but believe in an eye for an eye when it comes to violence against Bigs. When I find those responsible – and I can assure you I will – they’ll be in worse shape than a Henny Penny toilet bowl. Thugs of southern Newcastle, you have been warned.
