It’s Big Thing o’clock, yeah, it’s lizard-thirty
I’m here in Somersby and it’s real purty (okay)
Is everybody set for someone scaly?
Who you can visit all up on the daily
Lizzo can make you smile quite gayly
How you feelin’? How you feel right now?
Ooooh, Lizzo the Big Lizard’s a treasure
Find her near the Aus Reptile Park, yeah
Oh, she’s not the creature she was or used to be
Uh, Biggies, she’s even better!
Turn up Pile Street, then on the right
I got a feelin’ you’ll see something nice
Okay (okay), alright
It’s about damn time!
Stop for a photo, yes that’s the way!
I got a feelin’ she’s gon’ make your day
Okay (okay), alright
Lizzo is damn fine!
In a minute, you’ll go completely mental
‘Cos Ploddy‘s nearby to pump you up
So is Frilly, she’ll make you feel really silly
But remember you’re fabulous
I enjoyed Lizzo so dang much
I split into like two Bigs Bardots
One to get up, one to get down
Both will help you smile, not frown
Ooooh, Lizzo the Big Lizard’s a treasure
With her frilled neck and toothy smile, yeah
Oh, she’s not the creature she was or used to be
Uh, Biggies, she’s even better!
Liz might be ageing, but don’t have a fright
I got a feelin’ she’s gon’ be alright
Okay (okay), alright
Oh yeah she’ll be fine (fine)
Older Big Lizards can, still celebrate (alright)
I got a feelin’ Lizzo wants to go out and play
Okay (okay), alright
She’s still in her prime
Lizzo’s comin’ out tonight, she’s comin’ out tonight (uh-huh)
To Club Troppo tonight, ‘cos it’s Saturday night (wooooo!)
Vodka Cruisers tonight, get in a fight tonight
Okay (okay), alright (alright)
It’s Troppo time!
Club Troppo’s closed tonight, (oh no) has been since ’06, why? (closed since ’06, why?)
Nowhere to go tonight, Gosford is dead tonight (woo)
Need a plan for tonight, let’s break the time-space continuum tonight (break the time-space continuum tonight)
Okay (okay), alright
Let’s go back in time!
And that’s the story of how Lizzo the Big Lizard, Bigs Bardot the much-loved roadside attraction savant, Gordon the rambunctious alien, Gideon the gooey guacamole, and Bigs Bardot’s evil-yet-whimsically-handsome clone invented time travel, just so they could head back to 2001 and dance to Craig David’s 7 Days whilst sucking on watered-down frozen cocktails and avoiding the near-constant dancefloor scuffles at the legendary Club Troppo.
A brief note on Lizzo’s current legal situation
It’s recently been brought to my attention that Lizzo – the remarkably talented, deliciously robust, African American pop singer, not the remarkably large, deliciously anatomically accurate, Indigenous Australian lizard – has been cancelled due to some rather serious sexual misconduct charges.
Please be aware that the passionate and diverse Land of the Bigs team does not condone such behaviour. After months of negotiations with the Australian Reptile Park, I’ve been assured that Lizzo’s open invitation to the Quoll Experience has been revoked.
Woo child, we’re just sick of your bulldust.
