I know what you’re thinking. “Bigs, you’ve lost your mind! The Mini Harbour Bridge can’t possibly be a Big Thing because it’s substantially smaller than the object it’s modelled after. Look, it’s even there in the name. Mini. Mini! Next you’ll be inducting Cockington Green!”
Your concern is appreciated, but the only thing I’ve lost is 5kg due to a controversial new exercise regime, and I look fantastic. Thanks for noticing. But I’ll stand proudly beside the Mini Harbour Bridge until the day I die.
The Warwick Farm Wonder’s classification is a constant cause of conjecture within the tight-knit Big Thing community. I’ve ended many lifelong friendships and served some lengthy stretches in prison due to my, at times, quite aggressive defence of this Little Big Coathanger.
And now, as the government-appointed Custodian of the Bigs, I’m making it official. Mini Harbour Bridge – Big Thing. Take that, Tucker Wankmann!
The Biggest Little Bridge in the World
The Mini Harbour Bridge is an astonishing 60 metres wide, making it one of the largest roadside attractions in the southern hemisphere. Built in 1988 to celebrate Australia’s bicentenary, the undersized overpass was plonked in front of a car dealership to coincide with the release of some snazzy new Ford Falcon wagons.
Funnily enough, what began as a publicity stunt has long outlasted Ford Australia, who shut down in 2016. I know that because I looked it up on Wikipedia, not because I’m some hyper-masculine car buff or anything.
The Mini Harbour Bridge has become one of the most beloved tourist attractions in the country, with only Ayer’s Rock and the Big Potato welcoming more visitors. It provides a little bit of glamour to the residents of Fairfield, Smithfield and Wetherill Park who can’t afford the train fare to see the real thing.
As an added bonus, the Bridge Climb over this version takes a lot less time. And anyone who doesn’t find the view out over the Princes Highway beautiful is a troll, as far as I’m concerned. Hopefully a scaled-down troll, to go with the scaled-down Bridge – ha!
Wheels and Deals!
Swagger beneath the monument to find the sprawling Peter Warren Automotive, where the prices are as small as the Bridge is big. So enamoured was I by the Bridge that I allowed myself to be talked into buying a shiny new Ram Warlock with extended warranty and something to do with the engine or the batteries or something like that.
I got a great deal, but unfortunately I’ve never learnt to drive, so I dumped it in the nearby Hungry Jack’s car park and caught the train home. I left the keys in the ignition, so I guess you can have it next time you go to see the Mini Harbour Bridge.
Now, where’s the scaled-down version of the Sydney Opera House?
