What’s the porpoise of visiting AutoMariscos, the world-famous waterpark just 45 minutes outside of Guatemala City? There’s the thrilling waterslides, crystal-clear pools, five-star food… oh, and a couple of enormous dolphins that need to be marine to be believed!
Please put you flippers together to welcome Dolphin Lundgren and his best bud Dolphin Ziggler – Los Delfines Grandes!
The marvellous mammals preside over the legendary Carretera al Pacífico highway, luring in passersby with their impish grins and perky dorsals. Whilst not the bulkiest Big Things around, they are noticeably larger than real dolphins – and that’s all that matters.
The detail on these creatures is some-fin to behold. Visiting Chapins gape in awe at the tantalising tail flukes. The breathtaking beaks. And, of course, the cheeky, yet sensual blowholes.
If these dolphins were any more realistic, the Japanese would turn up to eat ’em!
AutoMariscos is nestled snuggly within resort town of Palín. Surrounded by concrete factories and panelbeaters, it’s become a favourite haunt of the Guatemalan glitterati. I dolphin-itely recommend a visit, no matter the orca-sion!
Don’t worry – despite being home to Los Delpfines Grandes, there’s nothing fishy about this place!
Can you hear the Big Dolphins cry?
See them both rise up to meet us
Let’s eat some ceviche tonight
Love will lead us, Dolphins will lead us
I felt like a fish out of water as Bigella and I sat down amongst the locals to have a meal at AutoMarisco’s upscale restaurant. They were all out of dolphin burgers, so we settled on the legendary prawn ceviche, washed down with a bottle(nose) of Gallo cerveza.
We were treated to a taste sensation. The prawns were succulent and fresh, the sauce tangy and robust. Paired with attentive service and an exquisite view over both the dolphins and the park’s tranquil piscinas, it proved to be the perfect spot for a romantic dinner.
Then Bigella dropped a bombshell.
“I had a brief – some would say tumultuous – relationship with celebrity chef Jamie Oliver,” Bigella giggled, “and his ceviche was shrimp-ly terrible compared to this.”
I chose to ignore her comment and, after the final prawn slid down my gullet, ordered dessert for us both. Whilst the postres served up were as delicious as expected, what happened next left a very sour taste in my mouth indeed.
Sea creatures and sea-lebrity chefs
“This is even better than the one Gordon used to make me!” Bigella cheered, gulping down her melocotones en almíbar.
“Well, you can’t expect much from a small, furry alien,” I chuckled, referring to my long-time friend, Gordon Shumway.
“No, I mean the gastronomic visionary Gordon Ramsay,” Bigella quivered. “We spent a memorable summer together in Tuscany back in 2017.”
My masculinity threatened, I lost my cool and waggled an accusatory finger at Bigella.
“Next you’ll tell me you dated Geoff Jansz!” I fumed.
“I wouldn’t say I dated him,” Bigella shrugged.
“Well that’s a relief.”
“Yeah, it was more like an erotic and culinary odyssey to the boundaries of passion.”
As we waved goodbye to Los Delfines Grandes and climbed back into the Bigsmobile, I made a mental note to not introduce Bigella to my good friend, celebrity chef Iain Hewitson.
Things are already weird enough between me and Huey without dragging Bigella into the mix!
