Tag: Bigella

  • iDIDIT!, Birtinya, QLD

    People are always complimenting me on my childlike exuberance (or, as they usually put it, my emotional immaturity), so when I found out there was a six-metre-tall statue of a playful kiddie on the Sunshine Coast, I grabbed Bigella and trundled over there.

    After having my sippy cup and an afternoon nap, of course!

    iDIDIT! was created by babyfaced artist Russel Anderson in 2017, and can be found frolicking in Birtinya’s lively Village Park. A tribute to the young and the young at heart, its not unusual to find dozens of poeple monkeying about on the grassy knoll he rests upon.

    Whilst there I even witnessed a pensioner, 95 if he was a day, trundle up on his mobility scooter and then, inspired by the statue’s splendour, pull off a a perfectly-executed backflip with a half-pike.

    “I did it!” he cheered afterwards.

    Rambunctious Russel spent more than eight months fashioning iDITIT! from more than 250 layers of weathering steel, providing a timeless appearance that contrasts magnificently against the impermanence of youth.

    “Every layer was hand-drawn and cut into about a thousand pieces that had to interconnect – there was no ‘oopsy-daisy’, I only got one go at it,” Russel told Salt Magazine. “There were in excess of 6000 holes and bolts to hold the pieces together.

    “It was a weird shape too – there was a wiggly shirt and wiggly hair. It was about trusting I’d designed it correctly. I’d never done anything like it before.”

    The public responded, not surprisingly, with youthful zeal. Then a gutter journalist wrote a hit piece revealing the cost of iDIDIT! – a very reasonable $220,000, paid for by property developers Stockland – and a bunch of big babies threw their toys out of the pram in the worst way possible.

    New Kid On The Block

    iDIDIT! became the target of an online hate campaign that bordered on child abuse. Russel – poor, kind, talented Russel – was crushed. His gift to the world, which breathes life and levity into a nondescript park, was putting smiles on faces every day of the week. But it wasn’t enough for some.

    “It put me off doing art,” Russell wept. “It gutted me. I put everything into it and it got to me. I was thinking, ‘I can’t comprehend I’ve built this with that amount of money’. Most of the cost was materials, the steel, the cutting and the labour to weld it. It’s Australian steel, too – I could have bought it from China, but you don’t know what you’re getting.”

    Well the Chinese do have their One Big Child Policy – teehee!

    “People I know jumped on Facebook and tried to tell people the facts, but I didn’t want to engage with people. I thought, ‘this is my personal life. I don’t want to be attacked for something I worked hard for’. I’d just built the best thing I’d ever built!”

    One would assume that the good folk of the Sunny Coast – home to The Big Mower, The Big Pineapple, Matilda and The Black Ant – would be more open-minded.

    Russel’s tale is a perfect metaphor for the loss of childhood innocence. If iDIDIT! – cheeky and pure and made of several tonnes of dilapidated metal – must bend to the societal pressures of bigotry and ignorance, what hope does a regular-sized child have?

    Well I Guess This Is Growing Up

    The sculpture transforms throughout the day, as if experiencing all the stages of boyhood. At dawn, iDIDIT! stands cold and alone against the blooming Queensland sun, reborn every morning. By noon, the piece shows off its scuffs and scrapes, a melancholy elegy to misspent youth. And finally, at dusk, iDIDIT! is wrapped in a cocoon of darkness, signalling the end of childhood and the inevitable journey into adolescence.

    “The boy has a bit of a serious message underneath it all about rehabilitation, but it’s meant to be fun and joyous,” Russel continued. “I’m not trying to offend people and I’m not political in any way. That’s my thing about public art – I’m trying to lighten things up a bit. Aesthetics are important of course, and workmanship. It needs to be well built.”

    Well, iDIDIT! is certainly well-built. I’d need to do months of Billy Blanks’ Tae Bo to build up lats like that!

    “The boy is very accessible and that’s really important to me,” added Russel. “You have a memory of doing a handstand and you relate to it instantly. I’ve not really done figurative work like that as a rule and it meets my criteria – the whimsy, the playfulness – there’s so much I can do in that world.”

    It was this waggishness that so enchanted Bigella and moi as we sat in The Big Child’s shadow.

    “You know, Bigella,” I whispered, gently taking her hand. “iDIDIT! has inspired me with his innocence and joy. I think it’s time we had a child of our own.”
    “Oh, Bigs!” she gasped, a tear meandering its way down her cheek. “Do you really mean it?”
    “Yeah, a statue just like this would look great in the front yard. I’ll give Russel Anderson a call, right after you change my nappy!”

  • The World’s Largest Blender, Orem, Utah

    The World's Largest Blender, Orem, Utah, United States of America

    For time immemorial, mankind has asked the question – will it blend? And only one man is brave enough to answer that question – Tom Dickson, founder of Blendec Blenders.

    The star of outlandish YouTube show Will It Blend?, Tom broke the internet by feeding everything from iPhones to Star Wars action figures to his company’s wide range of commercial and industrial food blenders.

    And the Blendtec blenders took ’em all.

    More than anything, Tom loved blending up a rotisserie chicken with a bottle of Coke, a gastronomical delight he called a cochicken. Always one to try new cuisine, I gave it a go and found that, once the listeria poisoning wore off, it was a strangely invigorating drink. Thanks, Tom!

    In 2014, Tom and the Blendtec team decided to capitalise on the show’s popularity in a BIG way. The result was The World’s Largest Blender, a 37-foot recreation of their legendary Designer blender, serving as the entrance to their headquarters in Orem, Utah.

    Inside the three-storey-tall glass marvel is a small museum paying tribute to Tom and the outrageous history of Blendtec blenders. Pilgrims can be found five days a week poring over the artefacts, weeping with unrestrained joy.

    The opening ceremony for The World’s Largest Blender was attended by Michael Fassblender and the guy who played John Blender in The Breakfast Club, and overseen by Utah Governor Gary Herbert.

    “So,” smirked Tom as he cut the ceremonial ribbon; holding an oversized pair of scissors in one hand and his horde of his worshippers in the other, “will these scissors blend?”

    Return to Blender

    After discovering a stack of love letters from one of my old crushes, tensions between Bigella and I were at an all-time high. Sensing an opportunity to get back into her good books whilst simultaneously checking another Big off my list, I surreptitiously made a suggestion.

    “I’ll throw the letters in The World’s Largest Blender in Orem, Utah,” I shrugged, sipping on the cold coffee Bigella had served me. “I’ve seen those blenders destroy beer cans and old guitar parts, I’m sure they can handle a couple of hundred pages of lust and longing.”
    “Are you sure we’re not just going there to see a Big Thing?”
    “Of course not,” I hooted, grabbing the keys to the Bigsmobile. “Can we stop off for some selfies with The Gonzo on the way?”

    And so, 10 tear-filled hours later, I was perched atop the bewitching Blender, the erotic tales of passion and wonder fluttering in the spring breeze.

    “I’m sorry, Jesse Plemons,” I whispered as I placed his lovingly-penned dispatches into the massive blender, “but we’ll always have that weekend in Acapulco.”

    That chapter of my life closed – for now – I descended The World’s Largest Blender, and Bigella enveloped me in the sort of hug that men cross oceans for. Smiling a sad smile, I wondered whether I’d done the right thing.

    “Come on, kid,” I sighed, leading Bigella away from the Blender. “I’ll take you out to dinner to celebrate.”
    “Oh Bigs,” she gasped. “You’re so romantic.”
    “Yeah,” I shrugged, “I’ve got a bucket of cochicken in the boot of the car. You can drink it on our way to see The Big Beavers!”

  • La Bota Gigante, Pastores, Guatemala

    La Bota Gigante, pastores, Antigua, Guatemala

    This boot ain’t made for walkin’
    He’s just a work of art
    But one of these days this boot is gunna
    Walk into your heart

    Next time you need of a pair of handcrafted purple-and-green cowboy boots whilst travelling through Guatemala, pop into the charming industrial village of Pastores. Whilst there, you can’t possibly miss La Bota Gigante, an enormous boot that stands proudly at the entrance to the town.

    Built to attract customers to the town’s many shoe shops, La Bota Gigante has been a massive sock-cess and is a shoe-in as the greatest attraction in Central America. With a heartwarming, guileless aesthetic that perfectly represents the hardworking ethos of Pastorians, this large loafer really is the heart and sole of the town.

    Although its location on a busy intersection can clog up traffic, one can’t help falling head over heels in love with this fifteen-foot-tall footwear!

    Known as La Ciudad de las Botas – The City of Boots – Pastores is just a 10 minute drive from the tourist hotspot of Antigua. It makes for a pleasant escape from the hordes of waddling American tourists and festering, mannerless French backpackers who have overrun the cobblered streets of the historic citadel.

    I have a sneakering suspicion you’ll love it!

    You’re boot-iful, it’s true!

    La Bota Gigante isn’t the only giant boot around – there’s The Big Doc Martens, Hat ‘n’ Boots, The Big Shoe and The Big Ugg Boots – but it’s the only one that’s home to a policeman! Yes, as Bigella and moi were posing for these wholesome happy snaps, we were delighted to see a robust law enforcer emerge from the small room beneath the boot, rubbing sleep from his eyes after a well-earned nap. If you see Constable Guillermo when you stop by, say hola to him for me!

    As it turns out, I could have used his assistance, as my journey to Pastores almost ended in my untimely demise. Gather round, kiddies, for Bigs has a tale of woe in intrigue to tell!

    After poring over the shoe shops for several hours, Bigella finally settled upon a set of garish Guatemalan galoshes that really popped against her outfit. I, however, opted for a pair of bespoke pink rhinestone pumps with vetted tassels, which I felt were a fitting tribute to my luminescent personality – and certain to get tongues wagging!

    Eager to break in my boots and show them off to all and sundry, I laced them up for a strut through some of Antigua’s more impoverished suburbs.

    Hoping to raise the spirits of the poor and vulnerable with my vibrant fashion choices, I was instead treated to an afternoon of terror when a couple of local tough guys, bubbling with unrestrained machismo, bombarded me with wolf whistles and lewd intimations.

    Geez, if I knew that was all it took to get a bad boy’s attention, I would’ve bought the boots years ago – teehee!

  • The Manchester Lamps, Manchester, England

    The Manchester Lamps, Manchester, England, United Kingdom

    Looking for something to light up your life? The head oop norf, because there’s never a dull moment when you visit The Manchester Lamps! The quintet of elaborately-designed nightlights were installed within the cosy confines of Piccadilly Place in 2021. But please be warned that they may turn you on!

    Lanternationally-renowned art collaborative Acrylicize really caught lighting in a bottle when they created this bulbous bunch. Each has its own quirky, roguish personality that holds a mirror up to Mancunian culture. From centuries-old relics to sleek contemporary office furniture, it’s their time to shine.

    Best of all, each lamp doubles as a bench, so you can bask in their glory whilst nibbling on a heavenly vegan blueberry croissant from the nearby Coffee Hive. Try it with a decadent dollop of locally-sourced honey – go on, I won’t tell anyone!

    This monument is light fitting – oops, I mean quite fitting! – because lamps are the only thing the locals enjoy more than football hooliganism. But don’t worry, there’s nothing shady about them!

    I was fortunate to visit the Manchester Lamps with my growing gaggle of Land of the Bigs groupies – Gordon, Gideon and my roadside attraction-obsessed half-sister Bigella Fernandez Hernandez. It was heartwarming to see their little faces light up at the display.

    Yes, I certainly give these Big Things my lamp of approval!

    I love lamp!

    Whilst the rest of us were content to gawp in wonder at the Manchester Lamps, it was Bigella who had spent months – even years – researching their significance.

    “¡Arriba, arriba! ¡Ándale, ándale!” Bigella yelped, whilst munching on a black pudding-and-eccles cake taco. She paused, disposed of the remains of her meal, and took a deep breath. “My sincerest apologies for lapsing into a comical depiction of a common Méxican. It happens whenever I get particularly emocionada about a Big. So you can imagine that a collection of five giant lamps can make me mucho loca.”

    “It’s perfectly understandable,” I assured Bigella. “I was so overcome by emotion upon first encountering The Big Watermelon that I took to behaving like what’s commonly known as a ‘bogan’. It took several years of quite invasive therapy to snap me out of it. But I digress.”

    Unperturbed by my display of self-flagellation, Bigella perambulated over to the nearest Lamp and gestured dramatically towards its arcuate base.

    “Please allow me to shed some light on the fascinating stories behind these Lamps. The Art Deco-inspired Lamp, with its flagrant use of blue and oranges, salutes Earnest Rutherford, whose research at the local university led to the splitting of the atom.”
    “A noble cause,” I intimated. “Well, except for all the bombs and death and pollution and misery his work inevitably led to. But please, Bigella, continue.”

    “Ensconced in the loving embrace of books and pens, the Art Nouvea Lamp serves as a homage to the nearby Chetham’s Library.”
    “The oldest in the English-speaking world?”
    “The very same.”
    “Hmm, I wonder whether they have the autobiography of Estonian stage, film, television and voice actress, Anu Lamp?”
    “Oh Bigs! Despite what people say, you really are quite humorous.”

    Lady and the Lamp

    “With its quirky, aphrodisiacal honeycomb lattice, the Mid-Century Bedside Lamp harkens back to Manchester’s famous – yet morally ambiguous – worker bee mantra,” Bigella lectured. “For a more literal representation of this, the extremely intere-sting Big Bee can bee found in the nearby Sackville Garden.”
    “That’s un-bee-lievable! And the Green Desk Lamp? It wouldn’t be a flamboyant tribute to the cult of personality that is Alan Turing, would it?”

    “You sure know your socially and professionally-divisive theoretical biologists, Bigs.”
    “Alan was convicted of gross indecency for being a homosexual, you know. He was sentenced to chemical castration.”
    “Don’t worry, Bigs,” my younger sibling imparted, placing a reassuring hand upon my shoulder. “They overturned that law years ago”

    “And as for the chic Anglepoise Lamp? Does it cast our minds towards Manchester’s impact upon the European fashion industry? The sporting triumphs of these proud people? The brash, yet melodic, music industry for which the city is synonymous?
    “It’s just a Big Lamp, Bigs. Not everything needs to have some deeper meaning.”

    National Lamp-oon’s Vacation

    As we were departing the Manchester Lamps for an opulent meal at the nearest Weatherspoon’s, Gordon and Gideon, Land of the Bigs’ mascots, stopped me in my tracks. Their impish grins told me they were up to something.

    “I found the display quite….” Gideon piped up, “illuminating!”
    “Yes, it was very…” Gordon added, with his trademark comedic timing, “enlightening!”
    As Bigella groaned, I hurried the kids to a quiet corner of the square and sat them down.

    “Guys,” I said gently, ruffling their hair, “I know you mean well, but I find your pithy attempts at humour to be both purile and rather condescending. The Big Lamps hold a place of great significance to me. I’ve never admitted this to anyone, but, since I was a child I’ve slept with the bedside lamp on.”

    “That took great courage for you to admit, Bigs,” Gordon assured me. “But it’s still pretty strange.”
    “I don’t know,” I replied with a smirk. “I think it makes a great hat – teehee!”