Tag: Cancun

  • Fuente del Ceviche, Cancún, México

    Fuente del Ceviche, Cancún, Quintana Roo, México

    Somebody once told me the world is gonna love me
    I run the best Big Things site you’ve read
    One day I was having fun eating tacos in the sun
    When I saw a Big Starfish up ahead

    Well, the tears start coming and they don’t stop coming
    Dodging the traffic, I hit the ground running
    Didn’t make sense not to run, run, run
    Towards Fuente del Ceviche, yum, yum, yum!

    The Fountain of Fish is a sight to see
    These photos I’m taking are so sweet!
    You’ll never see him if you don’t go (GO!)
    To Cancún, down in México

    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, get your game on, go today
    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, he really makes the grade
    And all that glitters is gold
    The Big Starfish’s story will be told!

    Del Ceviche is a cool Big, so no cold shoulder
    Built in the early-90s, but looks a bit older
    Like a graffitied Claudia Schiffer
    Put on a sombrero, take a picture

    The Star’s paint job is getting pretty thin
    There are homeless there who’ll attack you on a whim
    His future looks dire. How about yours?
    With Claw and Ven nearby you will never get bored

    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, it is free and not paid
    Hey, now, that’s a Big Star, oh is that Randy Quaid?
    And all that glitters is gold
    The Big Starfish will never get old!

    Go to Cancún!
    There’s plenty of room
    In May or June
    If you don’t, you’re a goon

    Oye, esa es una gran estrella, comienza tu juego, ve a jugar
    Oye, esa es una gran estrella, comienza el programa y cobra
    Y todo lo que brilla se paga con oro
    Sólo estrellas fugaces…

    A passing cholo asked could I spare some change for gas
    I need to get myself away from this Big
    I said sí, sounds bueno to me
    Let’s get an enchilada with cheese
    Explore the Yucatan for a few days

    Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming
    We visit many Big Things that are stunning
    Nachi, Caracol our lives were fun
    Too many nachos, Pedro acts dumb

    So much to do, and Bigs to see
    Road trippin’ life with Pedro is sweet
    After 20 years the two of us go
    Back to Fuente del Ceviche – woah!

    Hey, now, he’s still a Big Star, he’ll never go away
    Hey, now, he’s still Big Star, even if his paint fades
    This parody of All Star‘s getting old
    Surprised you made it this far, truth be told

    And all that glitters is gold
    I think this quesadilla is growing mold

  • Iguana, Isla Mujeres, México

    Iguana statue, Isla Mujeres, Quintana Roo, Mexico

    A tropical island full of women sounds like Hell on Earth to a man of my tastes, so it would take something special to lure me towards México’s Isla Mujeres. That something special arrived in the shape of an enormous iguana – named, creatively, Iguana – and so off I popped to the sultry Island of Women.

    Isla Mujeres rests a few kilometres off the golden shores of Cancún, where sunburnt American tourists spend their days crowding around Clawdia the Crab and their evenings stuffing overpriced tacos into their faces. Ultramar run regular ferries to the island from Puerto Juarez, and if you’re lucky you might be entertained by a chubby Mexicán Elvis impersonator during the half-hour trip.

    Juan Méndez say
    Only fajitas rush in
    But I can’t help eating nachos with you!

    El Vis Pérez, Cancún’s third-chubbiest Elvis impersonator

    The ferry, shockingly, doesn’t head straight to the Iguana, instead docking in a far less interesting part of the island. I couldn’t find a limousine, so had to jump on an overcrowded party bus like a filthy commoner.

    There I was, surrounded by a gang of liquored-up British hooligans (who showed little interest in the cultural importance of oversized roadside attractions), with a voluptuous Latina perched upon my lap, her melon-heavy breasts suffocating me as she attempted to pour tequila down my unwilling gullet. Lo siento, Maria, but those aren’t the sort of Big Things I’m aroused by!

    By the time I plunged sweatily from the bus at Punta Sur, my curvy admirer declaring her undying love for me, I was both physically and emotionally drained. I honestly didn’t know if I had the willpower to show the Iguana the reverence she deserved. I shouldn’t have worried, because what I found on that island filled me with a newfound respect for Mexíco and her people.

    Hang around for a rep-while and I’ll tell you all about it!

    I wish I was in Tijuana, kissing a giant iguana!

    Iguanas have long been the symbol of the Yucatan Peninsula and, fortunately, the legions of drug-obsessed tourists haven’t managed to snort or smoke them all yet. The sociable sauropods slither over every scrap of Isla Mujeres, seemingly making a pilgrimage, like me, to the statue of their leader.

    The Big Iguana sashayed into this sun-kissed spot in 2001, taking pride of place at the entrance to the island’s popular Sculpture Garden. ‘Iggy’ has changed colours and patterns many times over the years, so maybe she’s part chameleon!

    She was all I could skink about as I followed a cluster of cold-blooded critters along the carbuncled coastline. And then there she was, standing proudly over the her kingdom, with the baying brine churning behind her. Queen Iguana, the Monarch of Mujeres.

    Iggy’s spines are at once menacing and motherly. Her scales are shockingly lifelike, her eyes deep and regal, as though she knows more than the rest of us ever shall. This is a Big built not simply to attract tourists, but to pay homage to the rich local culture. Falling to my knees to nuzzle her noble nails, I came to realise that women aren’t so bad after all.

    But I didn’t let Maria know that!

    By the time the tangerine sun dropped into the turquoise sea, my fear of the fairer sex had quelled enough for me to pose not only with Iguana, but with a nearby statue of the shapely Mayan goddess Ixchel. One afternoon with this sublime squamate had done more to cure my fear of gynophobia than years of electroshock therapy ever did.

    I love you, Iguana!

    Iguana see more!

    Has this scaly scamp left you hungry for more? Then scurry along to exotic Taree to see Joanna the Goanna, or spend a frilling afternoon with Frilly the Lizard in beautiful Somersby. There’s also Dirrawuhn, The Big Thorny Devil and The Big Water Dragon. For something closer to Méxicó, stroll over to Costa Rica for an unforgettable encounter with La Iguana. Yes, there’s more than iguana of them!

    Honestly, if I had a peso for every Big Lizard I’ve visited, I’d be a chemeleonaire!

  • Clawdia, Cancún, México

    Clawdia the Crab, Cancún, México

    It’s common to catch crabs in Cancún and, with cuties like Clawdia, that’s cause for shellebration. Just look at her melon-heavy cephalothorax – who wouldn’t want to drizzle lemon juice all over it ?

    The leggy Latina lives atop Ferry’s Cantina, which is famous throughout México for its fresh fish tacos and all-you-clam-eat lobster burritos. I’m on a low-crabohydrate diet, so went with a nip of tequila with a pinch of salt… and some crabtivating conversation with Diego, the restaurant’s ever-attentive busboy. What more could a guy mollusc for!

    Better still, it’s right next to the ferry to the salubrious Isla Mujeres, home to the much-loved Iggy la Iguana. I suggest you power up with a plate of tostadas al pastor before making the trip out there – you know how crabby you get when you’re hungry!

    I want to scuttle those persistent rumours and say that, despite being enthralled by her soft, pink, juicy meat, Clawdia and I are just claws friends. However, I did go out on a date with Miguel, one of the restaurant’s handsome security prawns, but his feisty Latin temperament was just too much for me.

    Honestly, Miguel, did you have to beat up every man who looked my way? You’re shrimpossible sometimes.

    Oh well, there’s plenty more shellfish in the crustacean!