Tag: iguana

  • The Red Iguana, Salt Lake City, Utah

    Xochitónal the Red Iguana, Salt Lake City, Utah, United States of America

    At Red Iguana 2, a festively-painted cantina on Salt Lake City’s eclectic Temple Street, diners come for Xochitónal, the 33ft-long lizard in the carpark. But they stay for the authentic Mexican cuisine, competitively-priced drinks, attentive service and irresistible party atmosphere.

    Red Iguana‘s signature mole coloradito – a luscious blend of chocolate, pine nuts and guajillo chiles, blended with fresh poblano and served with carnitas – is enough to warm the heart of even the coldest-blooded critter.

    In a city where a slice of lukewarm pizza is considered gourmet fare (and I can say that because I grew up in Wyoming. And not the fancy-pants American Wyoming, either. The Australian Wyoming, where dinner-and-a-show consists of picking up a few cheeseburgers at Maccas and then splatting the pickles on parked cars), it’s no surprise the locals are willing to line up around the block for a piping-hot plate of cochinita pibil, lovingly garnished with pickled red onion.

    But enough about Red Iguana’s exquisite array of quesadillas and fajitas. We’re here to talk about the big guy out the front. After all, this iguana is hard to ig-nore!

    Red Iguana co-owner Bill Coker cooked up the plan in 2014, after encountering a concrete iguana – yes, THAT concrete iguana – while on holidays in Mexico with his lovely wife Lucy Cardenas.

    “My first intention was to make it concrete; I wanted it to be indestructible,” Bill told the SLC Tribune. “I wanted children to come up to it with their mouths open, asking, ’Daddy, is that alive?’”

    Whilst Bill knows his way around a taco, he lacked the world-class artistic skills such a project demanded. Then one day he happened upon an article about a remarkable young man who would be perfect for the job.

    That man was Stephen ‘Tusk’ Kesler.

    King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard

    Tusk hired out a warehouse in downtown SLC and spent the next two years working on the Red Iguana sculpture. Bill – wanting his Big Thing to be as memorable as his food – certainly didn’t skink on the construction costs!

    “I chose Stephen because he likes doing realistic animals, not cartoons,” Bill said proudly.

    Tusk first built a 1/6 scale model of the Red Iguana out of clay. He scanned that into his computer and, in a process that would bamboozle the world’s greatest minds, created a blueprint for the full-sized critter.

    He fed that into a fancy 3D printer, which spat out giant styrofoam pieces that he put together into the shape of the Iguana. Steve then slathered the whole thing in more than 600lb of clay. After that, he covered the varmint in thousands of ceramic rep-tiles.

    The Iguana was then sliced into bite-sized pieces once again. Silicone molds were made from those. Fiberglass body parts were made from the molds. The Iguana was then reassembled, and Tusk spent countless sleepless nights painting the lizard its trademark crimson hue.

    The critter was christened ‘Xochitónal’, after a gigantic iguana in Aztec mythology who guarded the Underworld.

    ”Bill and Lucy know what it takes to bring this kind of thing to life,” Tusk said at the time. “I don’t think any other restaurant owners would have had the patience or the understanding to get it done.

    “I wouldn‘t do this for anyone. I’m a huge fan of their food!”

    The 1000lb squamate was then loaded onto the back of a flatbed truck and, with the help of a police escort, driven through the streets of Salt Lake City.

    After months of anticipation, The Red Iguana was ready to be served to famished public.

    The Whole Enchilada

    After several hours admiring Xochitónal in the balmy Utah afternoon, Bigella Fernandez Hernandez and I had worked up quite an appetite. We popped into the Red Iguana and were seated at an exquisite table overlooking the Oquirrh Mountains.

    “Have you tried Mexican food before?” I asked Miss Hernandez Fernandez, who simply rolled her eyes at me.

    Peppers popped on an open flame. Margaritas glinted in the golden sunlight. A waitress waltzed over to take our order, and I assured Bigella that I would handle things.

    “¡Hola hombre!” I said smugly. “¡No busco tractores y guapos! ¡Quiero un aerodeslizador! ¡Antonio Banderas! ¡Spasibo!”

    The waitress just shook her head, obviously surprised to hear a gringo speaking perfect Spanish. As she left in a daze, I turned my attention back to Bigella.

    “I picked up a little español while living in the remote Mexican village of Cancún for six days back in 2022,” I informed her. “Let me know if you need any help with the menu.”

    Imagine my surprise when, rather than the virgin cocteles I had so expertly ordered, the waitress placed two small bottles of cerveza in front of us. In a moment of madness, I took a sip from the Modelo, and spent the rest of the afternoon fearing that I was tumbling into alcoholism.

    “Swap this out for a non-alcoholic piña colada, mami,” I wretched, as the waitress plonked plates of Mexican delicacies in front of us.

    “Watch out, Mexican food – though delicious – can be too spicy for a chalupita like you” I warned, tucking into a decadent tostada. Bigella, ever the daredevil, ladled fiery chile verde onto her chimichangas and stuffed them into her mouth. Not wanting to be upstaged, I poured an entire bottle of habanero sauce onto my superbly-prepared gringa and crammed it into my gob.

    The pain was indescribable, and for a moment my life flashed before my very eyes (criminy, did I visit a lot of big lizards – such as Joanna the Goanna, The Big Thorny Devil, Gonzo and Lizzo!). When I awoke, stripped to the waist, I was laying in the carpark, with Xochitónal gazing down on me in disgust.

    “Señor Bardot, eres el hombre más bobo que he conocido. Si no fueras el experto de atracciones de gran tamaño más famoso del mundo, te dejaría tirado en esa zanja.”

    “Wait a second!” I spluttered. “You can speak Indonesian?”

  • Nachi Cocom, Chetumal, México

    Nachi Cocom, Chetumal, Quintana Roo, México

    Nachi Cocom was a brilliant and inspirational Mayan chief who led his people with a stern yet fair hand, before standing up to the Spanish conquistadors as they raided his lands. He also looked really cute in a loin cloth, which is much more important – tee-hee!

    Unveiled in 2018 before dozens of shirtless admirers, this statue depicts Nachi in his traditional battle attire, ready to deliver the Spaniards a good ol’ knuckle empanada. The five-metre-tall warrior cuts a handsome figure against the swaying palms and azure Caribbean water of Chetumal’s world-famous harbour.

    The Nachi-ral born thriller stands with a slight inclination not because of scoliosis, but to lure his adversaries into a false sense of security. Apparently that’s something trained pugilists do. I wouldn’t know because, when startled, I burst into tears until the bully leaves in disgust. It’s surprisingly effective!

    But back to Nachi. He is, in a word, concupiscible. He even has a pet iguana, just waiting to be kissed. Due to his disconcerting two-dimensional proportions, however, I was unable to provide the lizard with his own entry on Land of the Bigs.

    Chetumal is a heavenly slice of the real México, a world away from the botoxed lips and digital nomad cafes of nearby Cancún and Tulum. The city is a haven for Biggies as well, with La Gran Caracola and Monumento al Renacimiento just a few minutes away from Nachi.

    I must confess that my rudimentary grasp of the Spanish language led me to believe I was going to visit ‘The Big Nacho’, and turned up with corn chips and guacamole. Ever the chameleon, I quickly disrobed instead, but my hardline pescatarian diet meant I was unable to eat my delicious, yet ultimately useless, props.

    Oh well, the López family seemed to enjoy their free meal.

  • Iguana, Isla Mujeres, México

    Iguana statue, Isla Mujeres, Quintana Roo, Mexico

    A tropical island full of women sounds like Hell on Earth to a man of my tastes, so it would take something special to lure me towards México’s Isla Mujeres. That something special arrived in the shape of an enormous iguana – named, creatively, Iguana – and so off I popped to the sultry Island of Women.

    Isla Mujeres rests a few kilometres off the golden shores of Cancún, where sunburnt American tourists spend their days crowding around Clawdia the Crab and their evenings stuffing overpriced tacos into their faces. Ultramar run regular ferries to the island from Puerto Juarez, and if you’re lucky you might be entertained by a chubby Mexicán Elvis impersonator during the half-hour trip.

    Juan Méndez say
    Only fajitas rush in
    But I can’t help eating nachos with you!

    El Vis Pérez, Cancún’s third-chubbiest Elvis impersonator

    The ferry, shockingly, doesn’t head straight to the Iguana, instead docking in a far less interesting part of the island. I couldn’t find a limousine, so had to jump on an overcrowded party bus like a filthy commoner.

    There I was, surrounded by a gang of liquored-up British hooligans (who showed little interest in the cultural importance of oversized roadside attractions), with a voluptuous Latina perched upon my lap, her melon-heavy breasts suffocating me as she attempted to pour tequila down my unwilling gullet. Lo siento, Maria, but those aren’t the sort of Big Things I’m aroused by!

    By the time I plunged sweatily from the bus at Punta Sur, my curvy admirer declaring her undying love for me, I was both physically and emotionally drained. I honestly didn’t know if I had the willpower to show the Iguana the reverence she deserved. I shouldn’t have worried, because what I found on that island filled me with a newfound respect for Mexíco and her people.

    Hang around for a rep-while and I’ll tell you all about it!

    I wish I was in Tijuana, kissing a giant iguana!

    Iguanas have long been the symbol of the Yucatan Peninsula and, fortunately, the legions of drug-obsessed tourists haven’t managed to snort or smoke them all yet. The sociable sauropods slither over every scrap of Isla Mujeres, seemingly making a pilgrimage, like me, to the statue of their leader.

    The Big Iguana sashayed into this sun-kissed spot in 2001, taking pride of place at the entrance to the island’s popular Sculpture Garden. ‘Iggy’ has changed colours and patterns many times over the years, so maybe she’s part chameleon!

    She was all I could skink about as I followed a cluster of cold-blooded critters along the carbuncled coastline. And then there she was, standing proudly over the her kingdom, with the baying brine churning behind her. Queen Iguana, the Monarch of Mujeres.

    Iggy’s spines are at once menacing and motherly. Her scales are shockingly lifelike, her eyes deep and regal, as though she knows more than the rest of us ever shall. This is a Big built not simply to attract tourists, but to pay homage to the rich local culture. Falling to my knees to nuzzle her noble nails, I came to realise that women aren’t so bad after all.

    But I didn’t let Maria know that!

    By the time the tangerine sun dropped into the turquoise sea, my fear of the fairer sex had quelled enough for me to pose not only with Iguana, but with a nearby statue of the shapely Mayan goddess Ixchel. One afternoon with this sublime squamate had done more to cure my fear of gynophobia than years of electroshock therapy ever did.

    I love you, Iguana!

    Iguana see more!

    Has this scaly scamp left you hungry for more? Then scurry along to exotic Taree to see Joanna the Goanna, or spend a frilling afternoon with Frilly the Lizard in beautiful Somersby. There’s also Dirrawuhn, The Big Thorny Devil and The Big Water Dragon. For something closer to Méxicó, stroll over to Costa Rica for an unforgettable encounter with La Iguana. Yes, there’s more than iguana of them!

    Honestly, if I had a peso for every Big Lizard I’ve visited, I’d be a chemeleonaire!

  • La Iguana, Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

    La Iguana Grande, Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

    This extra-large lizard might be cold-blooded, but he’ll warm your heart! La Iguana Grande lives in front of a mini-market a few ki-monitors outside the delightful village of Puerto Viejo, where the tequila sunrises and turquoise sunsets seem to last forever.

    Known as Iguana Azalea to the locals due her dream of being a rap-tile singer, this big bopper really is one in chameleon. The Iguana is wonderfully detailed and surprisingly well-built for such a remote Big Thing. Many of the villagers bow before him before entering the shop and after exiting. So if you ig-wanna fit in, you should do the same. Oh, I skink I’m in love!

    La Iguana Grande may be a cool Caribbean creature, but please beware! He has a rather prickly personality, so make sure you say please-ard before asking for a photo.

    The Big Iguana is a very out-goanna-ing individual, and is pen pals with Australia’s Big Frilled-Neck Lizard. They communicate via e-scale.

    Puerto Viejo is an ocean paradise that draws in travellers and wanderers from all corners of the globe. They don’t all come for the Iguana, of course. There are bamboo bars full of Latin dancers, long coastal bike tracks, and golden beaches crawling with sloths. I spent several months learning the forbidden dance of the bachata, and learning to accept myself. It’s Puerto-tally awesome!

    Pura vida, dude!