Tag: The Big Chook

  • The Big Chook, Moonbi, NSW

    The Big Chook, Moonbi, New South Wales

    Some say she lays golden eggs during the full moon, and that her wattles can be seen from space. All we know is she’s called The Big Chook, and she lives atop an decadent pole in the middle of Moonbi.

    I’m your host, the inimitable Jeremy Cluckson – and you’d have to be a blithering idiot not to take a grand tour out to see this Biggie – bagawk!

    The Big Chook was built from fiberglass in the 1970s, as a tribute to the area’s chicken industry, which was going gangbusters at the time. She sits happily in the centre of town, presiding over Moonbi’s 300-odd residents.

    I guess you could say there’s nothing ‘poultry’ about her. Yes, sometimes my linguistic genius is almost frightening. I could even be a comedi-hen!

    With her stoic expression, sensual curves and elegant – almost provocative – comb, The Chook is marvellous, and every bit as beautiful as a freshly-polished Ferrari 458 Spider.

    It’s not uncommon to find a clutch of chickie-babes strutting around at her base, posing for photos as they travel around the Land of the Bigs.

    Visit The Big Chook and you’ll certainly have something to crow about – bagawk!

    Are you lookin’ for a chookin’?

    A journey to The Big Chook is too much for one chicken-man to handle, so I enlisted the help of my offsider James May-an-Egg (who looks suspiciously like Bigella in a cheap fried egg costume from Spotlight).

    “Oh, cock!” James clucked as she clambered out of my Lamborghini Aventador, which I’d picked up on a whim to celebrate the financial success of Land of the Bigs.
    “The correct terminology is ‘Gallus gallus domesticus’,” I corrected her smarmily. “And I don’t appreciate the blue language – bagawk!”

    “The Big Chook radiates with a regal elegance that belies her rural roots,” James continued. “She’s a little rough around the edges, yet sits majestically above Moonbi, like a queen presiding over her minions.”
    “Yes, The Big Chook and moi have a lot in common,” I chirped. “She’s rustic, complex and alluring – and so am I.”
    “You’re an utter pillock!”

    “Listen,” I bok-bok-bokked. “I brought you out here in a beautiful Lamborghini Aventador –”
    “It’s a Kia Picanto with a few bits of cardboard taped to it!” James sighed. “People have been pointing and laughing. Let’s go.”

    A moment of awkward silence passed between us, and I sensed James was weary of my shenanigans.

    “I know!” I bawked. “Let’s attach wheels and a V8 engine to The Big Chook and drive her across the country. Cock-a-doodle-do you think that’s a good idea?”

    As James strangled the life out of me, I was overcome by shock. I never thought she’d resort to fowl play!

    Made you look, ya dirty chook!

    The Big Chook may rule the roost in Moonbi, but there are many other beautiful Biggies in the area. The Big Golden Guitar is de rigueur in Tamworth, and The Big Fish is winning hearts up the road in Manilla.

    No, not the mega-city in The Philippines – I’m not welcome there after crashing a Porsche 928 into the Minor Basilica of San Sebastian – I mean the agrarian haven by the banks of the River Namoi. Bagawk!

    You’ll also find eggs-actly what you’re looking for in the rustic village of Warral. There lies the incomparable Egg Sheeran. Oh no, I’m not talking about the ginger-nutted global megastar, it’s just a large concrete egg by the side of the road.

    Of course, there are many other big cocks around the place. There’s Charlie the Chicken in Charlestown, Chickaletta in Myrtlebank, and another Big Chook to take a sticky beak at in Mount Vernon.

    Yes, if you love Big Things, it’s your clucky day!

    BAGAWK!

  • Chickaletta, Myrtlebank, Vic

    Chickaletta, Myrtlebank, Victoria

    Do you feel clucky, punk? Well, do you? Then pullet all the stops to flock down to Myrtlebank Roaming Farms, where you can chick out Chickaletta, a feathered friend of egg-straordinary proportions!

    Chickaletta was ass-hen-bled from rusted bike parts and old farming equipment – similar to Murray the Cod and the Big Kookaburra – but she’s far more than a poultry pile of old junk. This bewitching bird is a brilliant beak-on of hope and inspiration that led to an era of unprecedented economic prosperity for the region.

    Let me take you back to 2017, when Achy Breaky Heart and Hypercolor t-shirts were all the rage. Myrtlebank Farm’s shop, The Chook House, was little more than a side hustle for owner Belinda Hoekstra. A few eggs here, a jar of gooseberry chutney there. But Belinda wasn’t about to throw in the fowl.

    To drumstick up some attention, Belinda had a BIG plan, which would soon come home to roost. One balmy day in late February, the team of artistes from Rusted Perfect strutted in to install Chickaletta, and she was immediately mobbed by an adoring public.

    Laughing all the way to the (Myrtle) bank

    Children and pensioners joined together in worship of their new avian overlord, who is well placed for a fun photo. She’s not cooped up and easy to find! Rumour has it that cock ’n’ roll group AC/DC even turned up to sing their hit song You Chook Me All Night Long.

    Chickaletta’s admirers also bought eggs – oh, did they buy eggs! Belinda was run off her feet and soon Myrtleford Roaming Farms was a full-time business, with Chickaletta the perpetual employee of the month. Omelette me tell you, the future’s never looked brighter.

    There are even rumours that Chickaletta has been seeing one of Australia’s biggest cocks, with Charlie the Chicken and the Big Chook the prime cluck-spects.

    Or she may have succumbed to the feminine wiles of The Moonbi Chook.

    The Chook House now boasts a scrumptious selection of pies, steaks, desserts and wholesome dinners for the whole family. The owners are a bunch of comedi-hens, and include plenty of peck-tacularly bad chicken puns in their weekly newsletters.

    I’ll leave you with a selection of their very nest puns, so that I can get back to courting Chickaletta. She told me battery will get me nowhere, but I’m not going to chicken out of my romantic pursuit!

    Q: Why couldn’t the chicken find her egg?
    A: Because she mislaid it!

    Q: What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
    A: A dirty double-crossing chicken!

    Q: Did you know chickens can jump higher than a house?
    A: True. Houses can’t jump!

    Q: Why don’t chickens wear pants?
    A: Because their peckers are on their faces!

    Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
    A: A brick layer!

  • Charlie the Chicken, Charlestown, NSW

    Charlie the Chicken, Charlestown, New South Wales

    With his hen-dsome looks, im-peck-able dress sense and cocky attitude, it’s no wonder Charlie the Chicken is a real coop-erstar in Newcastle. He’s been the spokeschicken for Charlestown Toyota for decades and his admirers flock to see him.

    Yes, this ravishing rooster really is something to crow about.

    Charlie’s no one-chick pony, because his googly eyes also move around. Well, they’re meant to – sadly his peepers were broken when I showed up. With any cluck they’ll be fixed soon.

    Charlie’s exactly the sort of feather figure I’ve been searching for, so I put on my most el-egg-ant outfit and strutted over to recite him some poultry. I was hoping he’d mistake me for his son, but he wasn’t laid yesterday.

    Maybe he thought I was yolking, because Charlie refused to beak to me. Ah well, you can’t wing ’em all. He’s probably jealous that I’ve been seen with other Big Chooks, such as the ones in Mount Vernon and Moonbi.

    Cheer up, Charlie, maybe you can get together with Chickaletta?

    I’m certainly not the only one inspired by this ravishing rooster. Ossie the Mossie, who lives in nearby Hexham, was based on Charlie’s design and is also super cute.

    Tragically, Charlie met with fowl play in 2012, when some troubled youths smashed one of his eye sockets. The off-hen-ders, sadly, were never held accountable.

    I’m as progressive as they come, but believe in an eye for an eye when it comes to violence against Bigs. When I find those responsible – and I can assure you I will – they’ll be in worse shape than a Henny Penny toilet bowl. Thugs of southern Newcastle, you have been warned.

  • The Big Chook, Mount Vernon, NSW

    The Big Chook, Mount Vernon, New South Wales

    What’s chookin’, good lookin’? This king-sized cockerel really is something to crow about, and you’ll have egg on your face if you don’t chick him out!

    A Western Sydney icon for decades, the Chook is an extremely charismatic old-school Big. He looks a bit homemade, like the Big Golden Dog and fellow feather-head the Big Parrot, but that just makes him more relatable.

    He stands proudly outside a wildly popular egg farm named after him, and locals find it almost impossible to drive past without popping in. It’s not just for a photo op with the Chook, because along with an enviable selection of chutneys and jams, the on-site store sells two-and-a half doz-hen eggs for just $4 – and you don’t need a coop-on for that!

    Whilst it’s not possible to cuddle the ravishing rooster because he’s behind a chicken-wire fence, he’s in a great position for a happy snap. Just look at the two of us strutting around together, we really are poultry in motion!

    He’s really plucking big!

    Local legend Chris Sammut spent two glorious weeks building this peck-tacular specimen, at a cost of $1500. He based the Chook on a styrofoam model of a rooster, then moulded him out of chicken wire and duck tape. He then sprayed the whole thing with fibreglass and added the details with all-feather paint.

    The Big Chook was completed in 1986 or 1987, apparently without council approval. Chris kept him as a temporary attraction for a few weeks in case a busybody turned up to complain, before concreting him to the ground. I guess that cemented the Big Chook’s place in the community!

    There are other oversized chickens prowling the fields and farms of Australia, such as Charlie, Chickaletta and that other Big Chook in Moonbi. There’s also plenty of other birds, such as the Big Pelican, the Big Owl and the Big Penguin, but this handsome chap is near the top of the pecking order.

    There’s also a rather large strawberry nearby, but unfortunately it’s nothing to crow about.

    Don’t chicken out, take a beak at the Big Chook today – and hurry up because the cluck is ticking!

    Please note, I understand that there are some obvious and tired jokes that can be made comparing this delightfully large chicken to a part of the male anatomy. You probably think you’re being both original and hilarious. Trust me, you couldn’t be further from the truth. The Big Chook is a gentle, kind being who should be admired and revered, not become the butt of crass jokes. Neither he nor I appreciate the fowl language!