As an admirer of all things Big and an ally of repressed minorities, I’m hesitant to present a roadside attraction that discriminates against those of us unable or unwilling to grow a full head of hair. My buzz cut is a fashion choice and I could boast a luxurious mane of amber curls at the click of a finger, but I stand in solidarity with my follicly-challenged chums.
But here it is – the World’s Tallest Barber Pole, a thorn in the blistered scalps of baldies everywhere.
Honestly, I hope my good friend The Rock never wanders into suburban Forest Grove. The sight of this 72-foot barber pole, which resides on the sporting grounds of the respectable Pacific University, taunting him and his handsome-yet-hairless head, would break his little heart.
And as for the giant hare up the road, well, I’m sure he has something to say about harecuts!
A pole lotta fun!
Alright, so the World’s Tallest Barber Pole was built to honour the town’s proud history of producing world-class barbershop quartets, but that’s not the point. Why not create a 72-foot barbershop quartet? Or go one step further in the fight against bigotry, with a 72-foot-tall bald barbershop quartet?
As an added bonus, they could use their chrome domes as solar panels!
The World’s Tallest Barber Pole, sadly, also perpetuates negative stereotypes of barbershop quintets. If five-person a capella singing groups weren’t demonised, perhaps I wouldn’t have been unceremoniously dumped from hit Australian pop group Human Nature in the early ‘90s and replaced by Michael Tierney.
Yes, Michael’s super talented, kind, handsome, rhythmic and sexy. Maybe the good people of Forest Grove should just build a giant statue of Michael bloody Tierney and stop picking on bald people.
