Ah, Canadians, they’re so nice, eh! Just look at the charming grin and snappy tunic on the World’s Tallest Tin Soldier, who is about as far from an unbridled killing machine as you can get.
Couldn’t you just pinch those chubby cheeks!
Standing chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in and 9.75 metres tall, this tin-credible specimen wears size 60 E27 boots and weighs an astonishing 4,540 kilograms. No wonder he’s wearing such old-fashioned clothing – the Canadian Army can’t find a uniform to fit him!
The supersized serviceman is based on a replica of a Sergeant Major of the Royal Engineers Columbia Detachment. He was diligently designed and expertly manufactured by the Sheet Metal Workers International Association and the BC Sheet Metal Association. They even placed a time capsule deep within his tender heart.
The World’s Tallest Tin Soldier first showed up for duty outside the Royal Westminster Regiment on November 29, 2000. He was redeployed to his current location beside the bustling River Market on February 14, 2002.
Oh, what a Valentines Day that must have been for the grizzled fishermen and cargo handlers of the quay! Who wouldn’t like to come home from a long, sweaty day at sea and collapse into the loving arms of a gorgeous toy boy?
Guiness Worlds Records wasted no time bestowing upon him the much-coveted title of World’s Tallest Tin Man. It is, to this day, considered the greatest achievement in Canadian history.
I love a man in uniform!
Drenched with rain, splattered with mud and swatting off the perils of frostbite, I felt like a brigadier in the Battle of Horseshoe Bay as I marched towards the World’s Tallest Tin Soldier.
Oh, yes the young men who were brutally slaughtered during that depraved encounter had it rough. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected, nor would they have wished to see, as much of the mad and macabre as I saw that day in New Westminster that day. Because the weather was pretty bad and I barely had a chance to pop out of the cafe between sips of my peach and cinnamon oolong tea to take some photos.
It’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make in order to serve you, dear lover of Big Things. Lest you forget.
It was worth getting wet, however, because the Tin Soldier is wonderful! He’s perfectly positioned for a happy snap, very well maintained, and absolutely massive. Honestly, if I had to decide between a world without war and a world without the Big Tin Soldier, I’d make up my mind in a heartbeat.
Everything, sadly, is bigger in Texas
The World’s Tallest Tin Soldier may be a peaceful chap, but it seems like he has a fight on his hands. You see, there’s another Tin Soldier in Waco, Texas with a valid claim to being the world’s most statuesque metallic warrior. He’s a tin-spirational 24.384 from boots to bonnet, or around two-and-a-half times the size of this crimson cutie.
As a refurbished incinerator – known, appropriately enough, as the Tincinerator – that legionnaire’s not quite as handsome. But wars are rarely decided by which army is the most adorable, and so I have to go over the heads of the team at Guinness World Records and declare him the tallest on the planet.
The Canadians won’t like it, of course, but this is something I’m willing to fight and die for.
