Port Macquarie? More like Port Mac-don’t-worry, because there’s a giant aquatic lizard watching over the town! The Big Water Dragon was installed in 2017, as part of major upgrades to the historic Kooloonbung Creek Nature Park.
The park is also home to over 100,000 flying foxes, who can be seen hanging from trees down by the well-maintained mangroves boardwalk. Sadly they’re all normally-sized and prone to urinating on visitors.
The Big Water Dragon was crafted by Bill Lawrence of the Natural Landscape Co., with help from talented concreter Matt ‘The Boss’ Penboss. His vivid, colourful paintjob was completed by local artist Lynley Kirkness, who poured her heart and soul into this project. Lyn, you might want to sit down before reading on.
Won’t somebody please think of the supersized lizard!
Obviously unimpressed by Lyn’s keen eye for pastel hues, some local tough guys have decorated the poor water dragon with a variety of illegible tags and sadly all-too-legible depictions of male genitalia.
These hooligans have turned the park into their own personal den of inequity and took immediate exception to my androgynous dress sense and shrill, girlish squeals of delight.
A severe beating was in the offing until I calmed the unruly mob down by explaining the cultural significance of the Big Water Dragon and his unique place within the pantheon of Australian Big Things. They seemed particularly inspired by my tales of the nearby Big Bowl and Big Koala Family, along with other giant lizards Joanna, Dirrawuhn and Frilly.
After listening intently for several hours, the heavily-tattooed gangbangers not only decided against using my gall bladder as a football – as had been the general consensus – but also that they might think about putting their shirts back on and looking for jobs.
One even suggested he’d stop smoking marijuana out of plastic orange juice bottles, but I’ll believe that when I see it.
The Big Water Dragon and the inimitable Bigs Bardot; proving that not all heroes wear capes, but that they usually are just as cute as a button!
