Yes, the rumours are true! Your friend Bigs Bardot has been seen swanning around Waikiki in the arms of a larger lady.
This big, beautiful woman represents the storytellers and traditional keepers of Hawaii’s rich, diverse, exotic culture. I’m Australia’s leading historian on giant bits of fruit and animals the size of houses, so it’s no wonder we got along!
The Storyteller, also known as Ha’i Mo’olelo, was lovingly birthed by living treasure Shige Yamada. He’s the wunderkind responsible for the nearby Water Giver statue. After visiting both statues you should have experienced enough Polynesian culture to placate your guilt from lazing about by the pool drinking Mai Tais on their stolen land.
Having never known my real mother and receiving only the basest physical contact as required by law from my litany of foster parents, it was enlightening – and also deeply distressing – to discover how safe and secure it feels to be clutched betwixt someone’s arms.
Still, I fell madly in love with this giant Hawaiian woman – which I suppose makes me Polyamorous!
