Forget about Cristiano Ronaldo, Kylie Jenner and Jiffpom the Pomeranian, because there’s only one Instagram influencer who matters – the incomparable Ven a la Luz. This 10m-tall wooden beauty is synonymous with the social media platform, serving as the backdrop for millions – if not billions – of carefully-copped selfies.
No trip to Tulum is complete without a happy snap with this fiery Latina. Her voluptuous curves, haunted eyes and flagrant (although never vulgar) promise of promiscuity surprise and delight all who stand before her. And, unlike most Insta celebs, there’s nary a scrap of silicone nor a bit of botox to be found.
Ven is the crowning achievement of South African visionary Daniel Popper, who spent one long, glorious month piecing her together from rope and natural fibres. Created for the 2018 Art With Me festival, she was originally placed upon Tulum’s world famous white sand beaches.
Tulum’s nascent tourism industry exploded, drawing six-pack wielding gym bros and lip-syncing single mothers, and Bigs-thusiasts from across the oceans. Digital nomad cafes, picturesque but ultimately impractical gyms, Bitcoin boutiques and vegan restaurants sprouted up overnight.
So many photos of Ven a la Luz were posted that the world experienced a short, yet quite destructive, internet crash. Although I’m pretty sure the simultaneous launch of Land of the Bigs had something to do with it.
The line for a photo op with Ven stretched all the way to Cancún. Faced with the prospect of traffic chaos – something unheard of in México – the difficult decision was made to relocate the colossal statue to her current home at the Tulum Sculpture Park.
So popular is Ven that Mr Popper was inspired to craft a similar concrete version in Fort Lauderdale. Thrive, however, is the inverse of Ven; the whimsical mystique of nature replaced by the harsh reality of modernity.
I strongly suggest taking a cute selfie with both women – don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone!
Bigs and Poppy
February 2018, Wednesday, 3:17pm. Your guide through the Land of the Bigs, the inimitable Bigs Bardot, is enjoying a luxurious chamomile tea with a sprig of thyme in the mountains of Sri Lanka. Suddenly, outrageously, the peace is broken by the frantic cries of a distressed installation artist.
“Bigs, Bigs!” the desperate South African wails, and I can tell by his weathered fingers that he is the artist Daniel Popper.
“Over here, Poppy,” I gesture, sliding another decadent slice of mudcake into my mouth. “I’ve been waiting for this day to come.”
The wild-eyed artist sits a little too harshly in his seat. I present him with a kind, knowing smile, and pour him a cup of tea.
“Drink,” I intimate, repeating it softly until Poppy takes the cup to his lips. “Now, why have you sought my advice?”
“My artworks just aren’t selling,” he weeps. “I mean they’re very large and truly inspired, but they’re just not grabbing the public’s attention. They’ll send me back to the steel mill, Bigs!”
“Stephen Cruise worked in a steel mill, and you know what happened to him?” I shrug. “He built Uniform Measure/STACK and became a legend.”
“Yes, but I’m not Stephen Cruise, I’m Daniel Popper. I need to find my own way through the dog-eat-dog world of immense outdoor artworks.”
Poppy’s eyes burn a hole in me as he awaits answers. I just sit and sip and watch a quail frolicking in a bird bath.
“You need to make something Insta-worthy,” I eventually say. “Create something the whole world wants to like and share and remix, and you shall be the most famous artist on the planet.”
“Will that really work?”
“Trust me, Poppy, I’m a social media phenomenon.”
“Really?” he gasps. “How many followers do you have?”
“Over 200,” I reply nonchalantly.
“200 million followers, wow! I had no idea you were so popular!”
“Well, Poppy. 200 million. 200 thousand. 200. What’s the difference? And it might be a little bit lower since I had that falling out with the girls from aquarobics and they unfollowed me.”
Daniel Popper grins one of his distant grins, then snaps his fingers. “I’ll do it!” he chirps, then polishes off his tea. And, with that, Daniel Popper trots off to change the face of social media forever
#bigsbardotsavesthedayagain #hero #humble
Tulum, you saw me standin’ alone
The year of our Lord 2024, Tuesday, 11:48pm. An older, wiser, ever-so-slightly more cultured Bigs Bardot basks in the luminescence of Ven a la Luz, as a pale crescent moon rises betwixt the palm trees. With the long lines of admirers gone, the Tulum Sculpture Park is overwhelmed by the hedonistic cadence of the jungle and the crashing waves.
Bigs’ eyes flitter from his phone to Ven and back again, as he feverishly edits his Instagram photos. After finally settling upon the Reyes filter due to its dusty, vintage visage, he posts his selfies with Ven to his growing legion of fans, then puts down his phone. The first likes start ticking by.
Now, the only light comes from the mournful lamps at the base of the statue, and he stares longingly at her ample bosom.
“I made this,” his thinks. “Of course, I have to allow Poppy some of the credit, but… I made this.”
Bigs drifts off into the world of dreams, a vast land of enormous lizards and guitar-wielding chimps, and when he awakens the warming sun is bathing Ven in its glory. Bird calls soon give way to a cacophony of calamity, and when Bigs crashes from the jungle into the main street of Tulum, he is met by scenes of great confusion and violence.
Cars are upturned, store windows smashed in. The boba tea emporium appears to be out of boba tea. The apocalypse has arrived. Bigs grabs a small taco salesman and spins him around just as a jumbo jet falls from the sky, barely missing a dreadlocked travel influencer.
“Señor,” Bigs cries, “what is going on?”
“The internet, the internet!” the little guy blubbers. “Someone made an Instagram post last night so popular that it caused the whole network to explode.”
“Someone broke the internet?”
“SÃ, señor, someone broke the internet!”
“What time was the post made?” asks Bigs, but he already knows the answer.
“11:48pm.”
