Victoria has a six-metre-tall Ned Kelly in Glenrowan. Queensland has a seven-metre-tall Ned Kelly in Maryborough. And now New South Wales has jumped in on the action, because the hamlet of Telegraph Point is home to Australia’s newest Ned – who stands a slightly-less-impressive two metres from boots to bucket.

Such is life, eh, short kings?

The (Not So) Big Ned Kelly stands outside the (former) headquarters of Rampage Marine and Fabrication, pointing his pistols at traffic on Pembrooke Road. I wasn’t aware that Ned had ties to the Mid North Coast, but maybe he swung by for an expertly-welded trailer or a new fishing boat.

Ned looks like he started life as a letterbox but, sadly, he hasn’t had any mail for a while.

When the Rampage team moved up to Queensland in 2025, they left poor ol’ Ned behind. Surely they could’ve fabricated some friends for him before the rode off into the sunset? At this rate, we might have to call him Neddy No-Mates!

The (Aesthetic-Maxxing) Big Ned Kelly

What he lacks in height, this version of Australia’s favourite murderer makes up for in rugged good looks and outlaw swagger. Check out his rusty, yet perfectly-cylindrical helmet.

And that handbag is so this season! The roguish red pops against the brown armour, perfectly encapsulating Ned’s fun, fashionable and – dare I say it – feminine side. Ooh-la-la!

Gordon and myself are widely regarded as the bad boys of Big Things, so we hopped aboard our scooterette and rode out to meet our fellow renegade.

We found The (Not So) Big Ned Kelly to be easy to take a photo with and surprisingly larger than we’d anticipated.

“Bigs, do you think we’d fit in with the Kelly Gang?” Gordon asked as we rode away.
“Gordon,” I sighed, “between your lactose intolerance and my pacifist outlook, we’d be lucky to get a start in the Martin Kelly Gang.”
“You mean the affable father from popular 80s sitcom Hey Dad..!?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm,” sighed Gordon. “I think it’s best we stay very, very far away from them!”