Crossing into Queensland is like stepping back in time – because there’s a giant triceratops just a few minutes from the NSW border!

The bright green dinosaur is the pride of Ballandean, and is known to his fans as Fruitisforus (fruit-is-for-us). The fruit may, indeed, be for them – but ‘Fruity’ is their gift to the world.

Quickly becoming Ballandean’s most popular resident, it was decided to make Fruity a permanent fixture of the town. He was slathered with fiberglass, painted bright green, and put back on display for generations to enjoy.

Or at least until they get jura-sick of him – teehee!

At 6.7 metres from tail to elegant nasal spike, Fruity’s about the same size as an actual triceratops. Some, unfortunately, say that disqualifies him from being a Big Thing.

But I don’t see too many other three-horned thunder-lizards wandering around rural Queensland, so he counts!

Are you feeling horny, baby??

What killed the dinosaurs? It may very well have been a 1987 Toyota Camry – because that’s what almost drove Fruitisforus to extinction.

One cold, windswept evening in January 2014, the good people of Ballandean were woken from their slumber by a thunderous thud.

“I thought it was a car crash, I had only just gone to sleep and the noise woke me up,” local gal Pam Bates told a famished reporter from The Stanthorpe Border Post. “I thought it could have been some fool from the pub, but the pub was shut and there was no-one around.”

Clutching a torch in one hand and her beloved husband Erwin in the other, Pam ventured out into the gloom, steeling herself for scenes of chaos and calamity.

But she could not have expected, nor would she have wished to see, as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that night.

Fruity – kind, sweet Fruity – had been horrifically disfigured by a deranged hit-and-run driver.

“Half of his face is ripped off,” Pam wept. “It is a shame because it is such an icon; everyone pulls up to take photos of their kids with it. I hope they are able to put his face back on.”

Bigthusiasts were immediately reminded of another dinosaur who was toppled by a car – Grrrreta, in Fruita, Colorado. After this spate of anti-archosaurian attacks, Digby the Dinosaur now has a 24-hour security escort.

Fortunately, Fruity soon received a facelift – and the artist knocked a few years off at the same time. Now he doesn’t look a day over 65 million years old!

After a decade-long investigation involving state and federal police, it was determined that the brutal vehicular assault was an unfortunate accident.

The good people of Ballandean, however, will never feel safe again.

The Lizards of Oz

For creatures that died out tens of millions of years ago, there sure are plenty of Big Dinosaurs around the place. Ploddy the Diplodocus in Somersby, NSW, is the oldest Big Thing of them all and a real dino-mite dame!

Palmerston, in the Northern Territory, is home to Big Kev the Brachiosaurus. Now you know where to go for your ‘necks’ vacation!

Lochie the Loch-Eel Monster is pretty much a dinosaur. He can be found haunting the shallow waters of Bumbunga Lake in South Australia. This handsome fellow sure is the eel deal!

Queensland’s also home to The Big Kronosaurus in Richmond and The Big Dinosaur in Mackay. Then, of course, there’s Dino the Dinosaur in Noojee, Victoria. I haven’t written up those entries yet, so it’s a co-fossil waste of time to even mention them.

But for the world’s largest dinosaur, you’ll have to jump on the next Ptrans Pterodactyl Airlines flight to Drumheller in Canada. There you’ll have a memorable encounter with Tyra, a 26.3m-tall Tyrannosaur with rawr-some smile.

Oh me oh my, aren’t my dinosaur jokes pre-hysterical!