Tag: Alberta

  • The World’s Largest Dinosaur, Drumheller, AB

    Tyra, the World's Largest Dinosaur, Drumheller, Alberta, Canada

    Sixty-seven million years ago, when rivers ran red with molten magma, the towering tyrannosaurus traipsed across the bleeding badlands we now call Canada. Standing six-metres tall and with a head full of lancinating ivories, this terrifying thunder lizard tore all before her to shreds.

    Well, it’s 2022, and the tyrannosaurus has evolved. Now seven-storeys tall and capable of gobbling dozens of bemused tourists at once, she towers over the streets of far-flung Drumheller and is one of the most celebrated Big Things on the planet.

    Please put your comically undersized forearms together for Tyra, the World’s Largest Dinosaur.

    Open the door…

    The undulating curves and tortured ravines of central Canada remain a hellscape from another time. The red dirt heaves with the bones of long-extinct creatures, attracting budding palaeontologists in their thousands. But all of this lies, quite literally, in the shadow of Tyra.

    This Jurassic jaw-dropper dominates Drumheller’s unassuming skyline, and can be seen from every corner of the town. At 26.3-metres tall, 46 metres from titanic tail to stately snout, and tipping the scales at a sensational 66 tonnes, it’s hard to appreciate just how massive Tyra is until visiting in person.

    I was completely unprepared for how small and insignificant Tyra made me felt, and it took my brain a while to process the unreal spectacle before me. At first, she looks like an optical illusion, because she’s so out of proportion with her surroundings.

    Tyra’s immense size is matched only by the quality of her construction. Incredibly lifelike, she seems poised to rip the passing tour buses apart at any moment. The World’s Largest Dinosaur was recently renovated, so her lifelike green and yellow hues really pop against the arid landscape. She’s the most gorgeous lizard you ever did ‘saur.

    Honestly, I could never get Tyra’d of looking at Tyra!

    Get on the floor…

    October 13, 2001, was a big day for the good people of Drumheller. That’s when Tyra was officially introduced to a world that could scarcely believe her dimensions, and the town was put squarely on the Big Thing map alongside Barellan and Nadym. Her story, of course, began many years before that fateful moment.

    The idea to build a thought-provoking theropod in the centre of town was floated by Cory Campbell, the former executive director for the Drumheller Regional Chamber of Development.

    “The town was bringing 500,000 people a year, but a lot of them were just going to museums and leaving,” Cory whined. “It was a day trip for them. So we were trying to capitalise on that. The idea of a big dinosaur had been floating around the community for a while.”

    “My thought was ‘Well, that’s a good idea, but it needs to be interactive, it can’t just be a statue, take a picture, leave. We need people to stick around,’” he chattered. “It’s a great success story for the community. And I’m hoping that our downtown core will continue to develop around it.”

    It wasn’t until 20 years later that The World’s Largest Dinosaur, who previously presented as non-binary, was revealed as female She took on the name of world-renowned paleontologist/part-time model Tyra Banks, who is also a self-confessed Big Thing fanatic. Sadly Tyra was in Budapest for a high-profile meeting of the world’s greatest minds when I visited Drumheller, but she sent me her best wishes.

    Everybody walk…

    Tyra may be a proud Canadian, but her DNA is uniquely Australian. Queensland company Natureworks, the wunderkinds responsible for Ally the Alpaca, Frilly the Lizard, and the Big Koala Family, took on the mammoth task of building Tyra. As always, they created something magical, but the project remains a dino-sore point for the company’s Imagineering Director, David Joffe

    Rather than relying on David’s experience and creativity to design the creature, the good people of Drumheller handed him a small toy dinosaur and told to blow it up to epic proportions

    “I was appalled when told that, after much discussion, the client had approved this pathetic T-Rex toy-like model,” David lamented several years later in a tense-yet-illuminating interview, the shockwaves of which still ripple throughout Central Canada. “I was told to shut up and just make it bigger.”

    Tyra was built in pieces in the Philippines, then shipped to Drumheller in a convoy of 10x40ft containers. The result, as you can see, is remarkable… but try telling Dave that!

    “Over one million dollars later, the finished dinosaur is as sh***y as the original model,” he raged. “The finished photos don’t deserve the paper to be any bigger than a postage stamp. This is what happens when artists’ egos are not tempered by realists.”

    It sounds like Drumheller’s leaders were so preoccupied with whether or not they could turn a tiny T-Rex toy into the World’s Largest Dinosaur, that they didn’t stop to think if they should!

    The World’s Largest Dinosaur!

    There is one Aussie who is hopelessly, unapologetically infatuated with Tyra, and that’s me, the inimitable Bigs Bardot. I respect and admire David Joffe more than any man on the planet, but believe he’s doing his work a disservice with his claims. Tyra is big, buxom and beautiful, and a must-see for any Big Thing fanatic.

    It was a long and bumpy scooter ride from Calgary to Drumheller, but I found the desolate scenery breathtaking and enjoyed every rustic moment of it. Western Wayne and Squirt the Skunk provided welcome company but, as delicious as they are, they’re little more than appetisers for Tyra the Temptress.

    Her size moved me to tears. Her elegance caused my stomach to flutter like a freshly-cooked bowl of poutine. Even my flirtations with Ploddy and Big Kev and Digby – some of the largest Bigs in existence – couldn’t prepare me for the emotions that crashed over me like the overripe waves of September.

    Wanting nothing more than to be inside Tyra, I paid my $5 at the adjoining gift store and climbed gleefully into her bowels. One-hundred-and-six steps took me to the apex of the World’s Largest Dinosaur, and I climbed out of her gullet to gawp in wonder at the view of majestic Drumheller. It was one of the defining moments of my life.

    Yes, Tyra can take hundreds of people in her mouth each hour without gagging, although she complain about having a bit of a ‘saur throat afterwards!

  • The Brotherhood of Mankind, Calgary, AB

    The Brotherhood of mankind, Calgary, Alberta, Canada

    If you ever see a bunch of naked weirdos frolicking in a park, run the other way – unless you’re in downtown Calgary! There you’ll find 10 very large, very nude individuals of indeterminate gender, enjoying the Alberta sun upon their ebony skin.

    Known as The Brotherhood of Mankind, the 6.5-metre-tall naturists were created by Spanish artist Mario Armengol, as part of the British Pavilion for the Montreal Expo in 1967. They originally stood far apart, with each towering over a display of Britain’s ‘gifts to the world’ – government systems, language, Jimmy Savile, that sort of thing.

    When the Expo closed, the Brothers were snapped up by a shady businessman whose name has been lost to the ravages of time. He then offloaded them to the City of Calgary for tax purposes, which sounds like people trafficking to me, but you be the judge.

    Upon their arrival in Cowtown, officials didn’t quite know what to do with the gaggle of gonad-grabbing guys. So they just sort of popped them in a ramshackle circular arrangement at the corner of 1st Street and 6th Avenue S.E (ooh! I felt so North American typing that) and forgot about it.

    The secret sect of sensual siblings, now together at last, soon took on a life of their own.

    O Brother, Where Art Thou?

    The members of the Brotherhood – and their members! – sent pulsewaves of outrage oscillating over the good people of Calgary, and it wasn’t just because of the colour of their skin. Their lack of clothing and lithe, sultry, almost irresistible physiques questioned the morals of a city still struggling to find its identity.

    “They’re naked,” Sarah Iley, the City of Calgary’s Manager of Culture, deftly pointed out. “This was apparently a source of much anguish when it was originally installed. And people were shocked and appalled and thought it was disgraceful.”

    There were riots in the streets. There were protests. But the supporters of the Brotherhood stood just as tall as their bronzed heroes and refused to give in to bigotry. Calgary was dragged, kicking and screaming, into a halcyon era of love and acceptance.

    “And now we even think that they relate to each other,” Calgary art curator Katherine Ylitalo explained. “We think one is a female and has some sort of relationship with another. It was nothing the artist ever thought of. We’ve constructed this whole narrative.”

    These days Calgarians are fiercely proud of the bare-bottomed Brothers – much as Vancouverians are of their own collection of oversized nudists. As further proof of their progressive nature, there’s even a rudie-nudie Big Head just up the road. Well, it’s not wearing a hat, so is pretty much naked.

    In keeping with the spirit of the piece, your friend, the inimitable Bigs Bardot, stripped off and pranced around with the Brothers on a crisp Alberta morning. Although I enjoyed myself immensely, I received some negative feedback from the local homeless population, so have chosen to pop up a more family-friendly selection of photos.

    It was cold, guys, it was cold!

  • Western Wayne, Airdrie, Alberta

    Western Wayne, Airdrie, Alberta, Canada

    Listen up, pardner. If you’re planning to pinch a caravan from Airdrie, north of Calgary, think again. Western Wayne, a 30-foot cowboy with a huge hat and a mean disposition, guards the Western RV caravan shop… and this Big shoots first and asks questions later!

    Wearing a tough-guy snarl reminiscent of a young Sam Elliott, Wayne’s towered over Alberta’s desolate prairies for decades. He’s impossible to miss, fun to take photos with, and just so dadgum full of character.

    Despite his bad boy swagger, this Canadian casanova is a much-loved member of the community. With clothes made of cotton and a moustache made of machismo, this son of the soil is here to chew tobacco and break hearts… and he’s all out of tobacco!

    Wayne’s also the biggest fan of the Calgary Flames hockey team around – literally! Lately he’s been sporting their crimson sporting blouse, with opposition fans risking a shot from an oversized Colt 45 if they stop by. Thankfully, the only thing Wayne fired at this lifelong Kansas City Scouts fan was a gruff smile.

    Although he never seems to age and has been lovingly maintained by his owners, Wayne can be a forgetful chap. He left his Hat n’ Boots in Seattle after a particularly raucous evening with the Fremont Troll. We’ve all been there! Don’t worry, because this desperado has plenty of padres to look out for him.

    He looks like a lone ranger, but Wayne’s assembled an intimidating posse in Airdrie. A few burly bears, a massive motorbike, and a super scary Shrek statue all live at the RV shop. Not surprisingly, Wayne also has a big cock… oi, stop giggling! I’m talking about the sizeable rooster standing off to his right. That’s one of the biggest peckers I’ve seen in months!

    No Wayne, no gain!

    Long before he became a proud Canuck, this king-sized Cowboy roamed the plains of the United States. He first appeared in Idaho during the 1950s, protecting the Spokane Interstate Fair from cattle rustlers and injuns.

    “He was on the fairgrounds down in Spokane for about 30 years,” Brandon ‘Keith’ Urban, operations manager and part owner of Western RV, told a dumbfounded reporter. “Naturally, a 30-foot-tall cowboy, I’m sure he was the star of the show – he was a big part of the fair down in Idaho.”

    With peace returned to the town, Wayne turned his attention to Idaho’s burgeoning fashion industry, taking up residence in front of a westernwear store in trendy Coeur d’Alene. His freshly-pressed shirts and super-cute slacks lured trendy cowpokes in their droves for two decades.

    Then the world changed. The kids were more interested in baggy jeans and revealing mesh singlets than hard-wearing, all-weather ponchos, and the boutique closed. Wayne’s gruff fashion advice was no longer needed.

    “The store was liquidating all of their assets and a friend of our family was down in Idaho and spotted the cowboy for sale,” Urban explained. “They suggested it’d be a great iconic figure to be perched out front of Western RV.

    “This was around the time when we were building the dealership in Airdrie and wanted to stand out, so we purchased Western Wayne in 2000 and he has stood out front of the dealership ever since then.”

    Sales, understandably, quadrupled overnight. It’s a common phenomena, with similar results at car yards holding Lefty the Pink Buffalo, the Big Oyster and the Mini Harbour Bridge. If only Big Things had such an effect on the popularity of my Bumble profile.

    Wayne’s World

    These days Wayne is as much an icon of Alberta as mullet haircuts and Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart.

    “As any city grows, the landmarks that have been fixtures in that city kind of grow with it,” Mr Urban exhaled. “You can look at any city – the Calgary Tower has been an iconic landmark in Calgary for many years – and although Airdrie has the water tower, it doesn’t have any other types of towers or iconic symbols.

    “I’d argue that the cowboy, he’s right up there. He’d be in the top five.”

    Wayne’s certainly earning his keep. I popped into Western RV for a quick photo op and a cup of their famous coffee, and drove out of there with a brand new 2022 CrossRoads RV Hampton trailer with a full kitchen, fireplace, home cinema and rose cold finishings.

    Sure, some might argue that a 41-foot-long wagon capable of sleeping eight robust travellers is a bit much for a single gent who largely shuns human interaction, but Western Wayne is a helluva salesman – yeeeeehaw!

    A note from the inimitable Bigs Bardot: You might be wondering why Land of the Bigs correspondent, and legendary cowpoke, Biggie the Kid wasn’t there to meet Western Wayne. Unfortunately Biggie has been banned for life from entering Canada after a well-intentioned encounter with Shania Twain went awry. It’s probably for the best – Airdrie ain’t big enough for two of ’em!

  • Wonderland, Calgary, Alberta

    Wonderland, Calgary, Alberta, Canada

    Canada’s Big Things just get curiouser and curiouser! Wonderland is a real head-turner, standing necks to the remarkable Bow building in downtown Calgary. It was unveiled in 2012 by Spanish sculptor Jaume Plensa – an artist who openly admits to having a big head.

    The cheeky bent-wire masterpiece is an incr-head-able 12 metres tall, with two openings for ear-ger visitors to walk through. Wonderland seems to morph and transform as one ventures through it, inspiring reflection upon our own bodies. Who nose what you’ll see when you venture inside?

    Commissioned by natural gas companies Encana and Cenovus, Wonderland is certainly not a load of hot air. Admission is free, so you won’t have to buy a ticket off a scalper.

    The inspiration for this whimsi-skull sculpture was, supposedly, a beautiful Spanish girl who Jaume met during one magical summer in the slums of Madrid. Apparently she professed her love for him, but Jaume was able to see right through her.

    There’s noggin else like Wonderland, so don’t miss this bonce-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see the giant head.

    What a Jackass!

    Wonderland made headlines around the world in 2014, when controversial Jackass star Steve-O clambered to the top and had to be rescued with a crane-ium.

    “Why would they put this awesome jungle gym right in downtown Calgary if they didn’t want me to climb to the top?” Steve quipped afterwards. The childish prank proved to be a real headache for Calgarians, however.

    “We want art that people can enjoy and get close to and that’s the wonderful thing about Wonderland,” an enraged Councillor Druh Farrell spat afterwards. “You can go inside it and see a completely different perspective and the last thing we want to do is to block people off.”

    Steve-O’s been a casual acquaintance of mine since meeting at a bedazzling class a few years ago, so I picked up the phone to give him a piece of my mind.

    “Let’s face the facts, Steve-O, that was a brainless act,” I blared. “You know it was the tongue thing to do and few things could ec-lips your stupidity. Pull your head in, mate.”

    The Hollywood tough guy was quiet for the longest time as he processed my harsh, yet fair, criticism. When he spoke, he chose his words carefully.

    “You’re right, Bigs,” a bashful Steve-O mumbled. “Not only were my actions an insult to the hard work and dedication of Jaume Plensa, but also an affront to Big Thing fanatics across the globe. I should have taken the opportunity to contemplate the architecture of my own physical being and the role of gender in the modern art and commercial realms during this transitional phase of western society.”

    I just nodded. It warms my heart to see miscreants evolving into valuable and self-aware members of the community.

    “Are we still on for rollerblading next weekend?” the thrillseeker asked timidly.

    “Yes, Steve-O,” I replied. “But climb any more Big Things and you can forget about getting ice cream afterwards.”

    A word of warning

    As I was strutting my stuff for the cameras, a burly security guard bailed me up and demanded to know whether I was going to profit from the happy snaps I was taking. Apparently doing so is illegal, punishable by death.

    “Only a real bad egg would try to profit from a Big Thing,” I snapped at her. “Land of the Bigs is a non-profit organisation dedicated to chronicling and preserving the world’s beautiful roadside attractions. Shame on you for thinking I’d try to make even a single cent from Wonderland.”

    Hopefully she doesn’t subscribe to my OnlyFans account!