It’s Big Thing o’clock, yeah, it’s lizard-thirty I’m here in Somersby and it’s real purty (okay) Is everybody set for someone scaly? Who you can visit all up on the daily Lizzo can make you smile quite gayly How you feelin’? How you feel right now?
Ooooh, Lizzo the Big Lizard’s a treasure Find her near the Aus Reptile Park, yeah Oh, she’s not the creature she was or used to be Uh, Biggies, she’s even better!
Turn up Pile Street, then on the right I got a feelin’ you’ll see something nice Okay (okay), alright It’s about damn time! Stop for a photo, yes that’s the way! I got a feelin’ she’s gon’ make your day Okay (okay), alright Lizzo is damn fine!
In a minute, you’ll go completely mental ‘Cos Ploddy‘s nearby to pump you up So is Frilly, she’ll make you feel really silly But remember you’re fabulous I enjoyed Lizzo so dang much I split into like two Bigs Bardots One to get up, one to get down Both will help you smile, not frown
Ooooh, Lizzo the Big Lizard’s a treasure With her frilled neck and toothy smile, yeah Oh, she’s not the creature she was or used to be Uh, Biggies, she’s even better!
Liz might be ageing, but don’t have a fright I got a feelin’ she’s gon’ be alright Okay (okay), alright Oh yeah she’ll be fine (fine) Older Big Lizards can, still celebrate (alright) I got a feelin’ Lizzo wants to go out and play Okay (okay), alright She’s still in her prime
Lizzo’s comin’ out tonight, she’s comin’ out tonight (uh-huh) To Club Troppo tonight, ‘cos it’s Saturday night (wooooo!) Vodka Cruisers tonight, get in a fight tonight Okay (okay), alright (alright) It’s Troppo time! Club Troppo’s closed tonight, (oh no) has been since ’06, why? (closed since ’06, why?) Nowhere to go tonight, Gosford is dead tonight (woo) Need a plan for tonight, let’s break the time-space continuum tonight (break the time-space continuum tonight) Okay (okay), alright Let’s go back in time!
And that’s the story of how Lizzo the Big Lizard, Bigs Bardot the much-loved roadside attraction savant, Gordon the rambunctious alien, Gideon the gooey guacamole, and Bigs Bardot’s evil-yet-whimsically-handsome clone invented time travel, just so they could head back to 2001 and dance to Craig David’s 7 Days whilst sucking on watered-down frozen cocktails and avoiding the near-constant dancefloor scuffles at the legendary Club Troppo.
A brief note on Lizzo’s current legal situation
It’s recently been brought to my attention that Lizzo – the remarkably talented, deliciously robust, African American pop singer, not the remarkably large, deliciously anatomically accurate, Indigenous Australian lizard – has been cancelled due to some rather serious sexual misconduct charges.
Please be aware that the passionate and diverse Land of the Bigs team does not condone such behaviour. After months of negotiations with the Australian Reptile Park, I’ve been assured that Lizzo’s open invitation to the Quoll Experience has been revoked.
Australia is famous for its big crocodiles, but you won’t find any larger than these six! These Big Things are fun to find on road trips and are sure to put a smile on your ‘dile. From the swamps of Darwin to the mountains of northern Sydney, these Big Crocodiles won’t eat you, because they just want to meet you!
The Big Boxing Crocodile, Humpty Doo, Northern Territory
Weighing in at seven tonnes and standing six metres tall, this croc’s the undisputed leather-weight champion of the world! This Big Thing lives outside the United service station and is perfectly positioned for a photo. Because of this, you could even say he’s a real knockout!
The Giant Jumping Crocodile, Wak Wak, Northern Territory
This snappy chappy has long been the mascot of the Original Adelaide River Queen Jumping Crocodile Cruises. He’s 4.5-metres-tall (including his tail), so his size will have you jumping for joy. They say you should never smile at a crocodile, but I challenge you to look at him without croc-ing a grin!
Daryl Somersby the Crocodile, Somersby, New South Wales
Five-metre-long Daryl is a very shy Big Thing, so he lives inside the front entrance to the Australian Reptile Park. He’s there every day – not just Hey, Hey it’s Saturdays – and can be found just metres from another cold-blooded cutie, Frilly the Lizard.
George the Big Crocodile, Darwin, Northern Territory
Gorgeous George isn’t just one of the best-looking Big Crocodiles, he’s also one of the largest. He measures 10 metres from handsome head to tantalising tail, so he’s the apex predator at the Darwin Botanic Gardens. He’s also lots of fun to ride – surf’s up, dude!
A short stroll from the Giant Jumping Crocodile is another Big Thing named Keith. And as you can see, Keith has teeth! He’s around 10 metres long, making him the largest croc in Wak Wak, but there is a bigger lizard just down the road…
At 250 metres long and 30 metres wide, this leviathan has earned a reptile-tation as the most massive Big Crocodile in this sunburnt country. You can even spend the night inside him, or enjoy a crocodile-icious meal at one of the restaurants inside his belly.
You might think it’s silly, but I’m in love with a man who’s frilly! For a frill-a-minute encounter with a cold-blooded cutie, head to spectacular Somersby on the scenic Central Coast. Honestly, you’ll be reptiling from ear to ear when you meet this gigantic frilled-neck lizard… but a word of warning, he has a fiery side to him!
Frilly was painstakingly constructed by the geniuses at Natureworks in 1997, and found a home at the Australian Reptile Park shortly after its relocation from Wyoming. Along with the matriarch of Aussie Big Things, Ploddy the Dinosaur, he lured thousands of visitors to the region, and it was all smiles and crocodiles. Then tragedy struck.
In the dead of winter, July 17, 2000 – a date no lover of Bigs will ever forget – a ruthless fire ripped through the park, leaving a trail of terror in its wake. A nation celebrated as one when Frilly and Ploddy, the indestructible lizards of Oz, stepped through the hellfire to become beacons of hope for a mourning community.
There must be something in the water that makes this region’s Bigs imperishable, because the Big Prawn also survived a barbecue attempt. Hopefully Alan Davidson’s Balls and the Big Poppies won’t be next in the firing line!
Heartbreakingly, hundreds of innocent critters didn’t make it, with only a pig-nosed turtle named Miss Piggy and an alligator snapping turtle named The Terminator surviving. But it was the park’s owners saying, “I’ll be back!”
They scrambled to rebuild the Aussie Reptile Park, placing Frilly proudly atop at the entrance to welcome visitors. He was soon joined by the dashing Daryl Somersby and the sultry Lizzo to create a true mecca for Big Thing aficionados. With so many large-scale lizards on display, when are goanna visit?
Never smile at Daryl the Crocodile No, don’t get friendly with Daryl the Crocodile Don’t be taken in by his games and lark Or the fact he lives at the Aussie Reptile Park
Never smile at Daryl the Crocodile Never kiss his handsome head and stop to talk awhile Never listen to his hopes and dreams Of gobbling up six football teams
You may very well lose your body Just up the road from Frilly and Ploddy But there’s always a special time and place To look at that rugged, whimsical face And say, “I don’t care if he eats me, we just have to kiss!” Daryl’s one Big that you just can’t miss!
Long before the age of Bananas, Penguins, Pineapples and Prawns, an enormous concrete dinosaur watched over Australia’s highways. Ploddy, the oldest of her kind and the grandmother of the Bigs, was unlike anything anyone had ever seen before.
With her timeless beauty and vivacious personality she ushered in the era of massive roadside attractions, becoming a national celebrity in the process. However, like the ancient thunder lizards she was modelled after, extinction is on the horizon for this gentle giant.
Despite her proud history, this folk hero has been abandoned in the bush, locked away behind a gnarled barbed-wire fence and left to rot. It’s a tragic and shameful situation for the mellow yellow lady, who’s terribly lonely out there in the wilderness.
This, dear readers, is the tragic tale of Ploddy the Dinosaur.
Do-you-think-she-saurus?
Ploddy’s epic story begins in the halcyon days of 1963, when hair was long and short-shorts were super short. Eric Worrell, owner of the popular Australian Reptile Park in Wyoming, New South Wales, was looking for a way to draw in more visitors from the Pacific Highway – and the common worm-skinks just weren’t doing the job. That’s when he had a BIG IDEA.
What if he built a life-size dinosaur and plonked it out by the main road? The plan was as preposterous as it was brilliant. Although Grrrreta the Grrrreat Big Dinosaur was wowing the crowds over in America, nothing of the sort had ever been attempted in this country. Undeterred, Eric and his chums got to work, largely making it up as they went.
The project took just two months for Eric’s talented team, including designer Ken Mayfield and construction engineer Jim Sullivan, to complete. Not bad for a diplodo-custom made dinosaur!
At 26-metres-long and weighing 100 tonnes, Ploddy was unlike anything the good people of the Central Coast seen before. She ushered in a new era of prosperity to the park, drawing in tens of thousands of curious onlookers who just wanted to say ‘allo-saurus to the Central Coast’s largest resident.
Ploddy was the first Big Thing Aussie’s ever dino-saw. So why is she so close to being wiped off the face of the planet?
Plodding into our hearts
The inimitable Bigs Bardot moved into the adjacent caravan park with his family in the mid-80s, and it was love at first sight – even though I was a little intimidated by Ploddy at first. Whenever things became too brutal in the trailer, I’d sneak over to see my massive mate. As I nestled into her serpentine neck, everything seemed right in the world.
In those days she was easily accessible and it was even possible to climb on top of or inside her, and she was always willing to listen to my problems. Ploddy told me there was a vast world out there, full of giant icons just like her. I promised her that I would visit every single one of her friends, and I take that vow seriously.
Ploddy was something of a chameleon, changing colours often, and as a rebellious youth I would dye my hair to match. We were inseparable, so I was understandably heartbroken when she took me aside one windswept day in 1994 to let me know she was moving away forever.
After 33 years in Wyoming, the Reptile Park’s new owners, John and Robyn Weigel, were taking the cold-blooded cutie and the rest of the reptiles to a new location at Somersby. It took two years to fossil-itate, and I spent as much time with Ploddy as I could, but things weren’t the same. A sadness hung over our rendezvous, and I even flirted with other Bigs such as the Merino, Oyster, and the man who would go on to become the other great love of my life, The Big Avocado.
What can I say? I was just love Jura-sick!
Movin’ on up
When Ploddy finally made her move on a stormy day in 1996, thousands of people lined the streets of Gosford to bid her farewell. I was in tears, not only to lose my best chum, but because they cut Ploddy’s poor feet and tail off to remove her from the concrete platform she guarded for so many years. It took Gosford’s largest crane to place her onto Gosford’s largest truck, and I marched proudly, but with a heavy heart, alongside her through the adoring crowds.
It was the greatest party Gosford had ever seen but, once the celebrations faded away, the tragedy of Ploddy’s situation became apparent. She wasn’t planted at the entrance of the new Reptile Park; that honour was bestowed upon Frilly the Lizard, with Ploddy tossed into a dusty clearing several hundred metres away.
She could watch the cars zip by on the new Pacific Highway, of course, but her friends had no real way of getting up close and personal with her. Ploddy was no longer able to serve her purpose as a Big Thing – she was a glorified billboard, locked away behind a fence and at the mercy of the elements. When the wind blew just right on a clear night, I could hear her weeping all the way from Wyoming.
Perhaps, I thought, she could also hear my cries.
The Lizard of Oz
Ploddy’s the oldest of the Big Things, an important part of Australia’s history and culture, and for her to be treated like this is nothing short of disgraceful. Whilst the Big Banana, Big Boxing Crocodile and even Ploddy’s little brother Big Kev and niece Digby have people lined up to take photos with them, pouring millions of dollars into their local communities, this grand old dame of roadside attractions has been cast aside, with only a few hardy souls visiting her. It’s outrageous and the good folks at the Australian Reptile Park need to do something about it.
Mercifully it’s still possible to see Ploddy, if you’re up for an adventure. The best way is to park by the side of the Old Pacific Highway at Somersby and locate the steep, overgrown path heading north towards the sizeable sauropod.
It’s not for the faint of heart, small children or the elderly, but those who brave the 100-metre climb will be rewarded by a meeting with the graceful Queen of the Bigs. It’s a bit like visiting my stepdad Craig in jail, though, due to the chainlink fence and the sour stench of desperation.
Until then, Ploddy’s true friends will visit her, chat to her, reassure her that everything will be OK. We’ll hold back the tears and pretend to believe our words, then fall apart as we walk away. This site, my life, and the passion that beats through the heart of every Big-thusiast, exist because of the incomparable Ploddy the Big Dinosaur. My first love, my purest love.
