Hallelujah! Your prayers have been answered, because Brother Bigs is here to introduce you to a clam of biblical proportions. And, best of all, it doubles as a church, so you won’t have to take a break from worshipping Big Things in order confess your sins to a man of the cloth.
It’s a miracle, baby. A dadgum miracle!
The Clam rises divinely above Long Jetty, long known as the pearl of the Central Coast, and perfectly capture’s the area’s beachy aesthetic. An unassuming Big, The Clam can only truly be appreciated from the air. Which makes sense as it was, after all, built to appease a higher power.
A shrining example of modern architecture, the Clam-thedral’s details are simply heavenly. The exhalant siphon has been lovingly recreated, and the prominent – some may even say provocative – umbo is almost indistinguishable from the real deal.
Surrounding The Clam are understated lawns and pastors – oops, I mean pastures! – that are perfect for a moment of quiet reflection. There’s even a few psalm trees round the side.
Whilst not as large as the similarly-shaped Big Oyster, please don’t allow this to alter your perception of The Clam. This is a truly special Big, an icon of the Central Coast, and a sacrosanct structure that should be admired and praised.
There’s often a congregation outside to admire The Clam, which is no surprise because it’s a holy lot of fun!
Wham! Bam! Thank you, Clam!
Owned by the disciples of the Greenhouse Church, the mass-ive Clam is more than just a pretty ventral margin. Gatherings are held each Sunday, and the centre is also available for functions and weddings – making The Clam the only Big you can get married in!
Of course, matrimony is nothing but a pipe dream for yours truly. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
Any zealot of the Bigs really needs to make a pilgrimage to the sunny Central Coast, where you’ll also find Frilly, Daryl Somersby, The Big Cricket Balls, The Big Poppies, The Big Flower and The Odyssey of Life, all of which you can read about in the Good Book of Big Things – Land of the Bigs. You’ll be in raptures!
So overcome by emotion were Gordon and I whilst exploring The Clam, that we tossed in our lives of atheism and became devout members of the church. Gordon even dressed as an alter boy – so cute!
Our lives became full of love and meaning, we made soul-enriching friendships built on values and respect, and we were able to sit beneath the mystical glow of The Clam on a daily basis. Yet that was just the clam before the storm. We were, tragically, cast out when the other parishioners found out about my ‘alternative lifestyle’.
Oh well, I guess the church simply isn’t ready to accept a man whose lord and saviour is a gigantic yellow dinosaur named Ploddy.
