Hey you! Yeah, you, reading this! You belong in the nuthouse!
Tee-hee, don’t worry, the inimitable Bigs Bardot hasn’t gone mad and resorted to cyber bullying. I’m merely suggesting that you visit the Nuthouse food emporium in Toronto’s eclectic West End. There you’ll find a wondrous walnut large enough to feed a family of chipmunks for a year.
Wally, as he’s known to the ragtag bunch of office monkeys, social media influencers, hobos and Big Thing fanatics who meander past him every day, is certainly worth pecan at. You might even want to pop by during the evening to bid him goodnut. Pistachi-Ontarians have, understandably, gone nuts for Wally, but I guess that’s one of the perks of being a walnut.
Sorry, that was a bit acorn-y! I remember when I was a serious writer, at the top of my field, and didn’t have to resort to tired old puns. I hope to legume my career one day – ha!
Nut wait, there’s more!
The health food store sitting beneath Wally’s pert rump offers a sumptuous selection of dried fruits, cakes and juices to please even the most punctilious of palettes.
Feeling a little peckish, I opted for a bag of the Nuthouse’s famous Margueretta Martian mixed nuts. The lavish ensemble of almonds, sultanas and, of course, walnuts proved to be both noroushing and extremely moreish.
Unfortunately I have a severe nut allergy and spent the next week clinging to life in the well-appointed Toronto Western Hospital. The room service, however, was attentive and tender (hi, Mike!), and the movie selection surprisingly varied, so I don’t regret my decision at all.
Alright, you nutter, I’ll cashew later!
